Ever feel like you're stuck in a cycle of entitlement or playing the victim? It's easy to fall into these patterns, but they can also prevent us from achieving our goals and living a fulfilled life. Join us in a candid conversation as we unpack the power dynamics of these mindsets, sharing personal stories and insights from our journey. We'll help you recognize these patterns and give you the tools to break free.
We've all been there - expecting help or support without taking responsibility for our own actions. However, entitlement and victim mentality can be huge roadblocks to personal development and gratitude. Let's break down the importance of humility, hard work, and personal responsibility in moving past these detrimental mindsets. You'll hear about real-life situations in which these concepts have proven crucial, and we'll guide you through the process of cultivating a healthier, more proactive attitude.
Lastly, we want to empower you with the essence of personal growth - embracing a growth mindset, taking personal responsibility, and building resilience. We'll delve into the transformational power of decisions like returning to college and other life-changing shifts. More than that, we'll discuss how to maintain composure during challenging times and avoid falling into a victim mentality. Remember, your past mistakes do not define you! So, let's focus on moving forward, using wisdom from biblical teachings as our guide. Trust us, this journey of self-discovery and personal growth is one you won't want to miss. Together, let's turn your dreams into unstoppable missions!
Ever feel like you're stuck in a cycle of entitlement or playing the victim? It's easy to fall into these patterns, but they can also prevent us from achieving our goals and living a fulfilled life. Join us in a candid conversation as we unpack the power dynamics of these mindsets, sharing personal stories and insights from our journey. We'll help you recognize these patterns and give you the tools to break free.
We've all been there - expecting help or support without taking responsibility for our own actions. However, entitlement and victim mentality can be huge roadblocks to personal development and gratitude. Let's break down the importance of humility, hard work, and personal responsibility in moving past these detrimental mindsets. You'll hear about real-life situations in which these concepts have proven crucial, and we'll guide you through the process of cultivating a healthier, more proactive attitude.
Lastly, we want to empower you with the essence of personal growth - embracing a growth mindset, taking personal responsibility, and building resilience. We'll delve into the transformational power of decisions like returning to college and other life-changing shifts. More than that, we'll discuss how to maintain composure during challenging times and avoid falling into a victim mentality. Remember, your past mistakes do not define you! So, let's focus on moving forward, using wisdom from biblical teachings as our guide. Trust us, this journey of self-discovery and personal growth is one you won't want to miss. Together, let's turn your dreams into unstoppable missions!
Hello, hello and welcome to the Mommy on a Mission podcast, where empowerment meets inspiration. I'm your host, mariana, a life coach and author, on a mission to help Latina women, and all women, to reach their impossible goals, one dream at a time. Join me on this incredible adventure as we dive into compelling subjects that will uplift, motivate and ignite your passion. Get ready to be inspired, empowered and never give up on your dreams. This is the podcast where we turn dreams into unstoppable missions. Are you ready? Good evening and welcome to another episode of Mommy on a Mission podcast, the podcast that empowers women to reach their impossible goals, one dream at a time. My name is Mariana and I am your host this evening.
Speaker 1:
First and foremost, I hope everyone had a wonderful and awesome Thanksgiving. I know I did. I felt like a stuffed turkey every year I do but it was so much fun to be around family, just to, you know, hear the laughter and just the joking, and just, you know, being around everyone. It gave me a sense of gratitude to know that I can still enjoy the holidays, and especially when all five of my kids are together and my grandson, I mean. It's just always something amazing. And then we also ended up taking a trip to San Antonio to visit my husband's family, and we got to go to a kids and yet again, continued the fun. And so here we are this week. I'm still a little tired, but my trip is not over yet. I will be leaving to Vegas. So, as you're listening to this episode, I'm actually going to be on a plane to Vegas the second time again this year to finish out 2023.
Speaker 1:
But listen, you know it's crazy, though, how, as holidays start rolling around, you know, I know that the cost of living is high. I know that things are getting higher and higher, such as rent or mortgages and all of the things, right, and it's it's hard sometimes to navigate those things. And I do have a full time job. I do work for a nonprofit agency in which we do help families or individuals who are struggling financially for one reason or another. It could be because loss of employment, maybe someone fell ill or they fell into some hardships, you know, and it happens, right, it's happened. I've experienced that myself. I remember those days of struggling and having to, you know, scrape up money from the couch just to go buy something to eat for myself and for the kids, and you know we feel for those families, we feel for those individuals, those households that are struggling, and we want to be there to help. And I know that that is my calling. At this particular moment in my life, god has me where he needs me, in which I am on this side, because for a long time I've always worked on the other end, after people have pretty much gotten the emergency assistance that they need it, now they're looking for employment, they're looking for setting financial goals in order to continue to prosper. Never have I been on this end where they are actually struggling right, and so we provide assistance with utilities, with rental or, you know, for food or if they need diapers for their children. So our agency provides that type of service to individuals or families.
Speaker 1:
And so we do get, you know, individuals who have that sense of entitlement or that victim mentality, and I've seen it more and more so, which I've already seen that once before. You know, I've seen that mindset when I was an employment coach or actually I'm still an employment coach, but as I focused more on employment coaching or on workforce development inside. You know they want the higher paying jobs, they want more pay, they want to raise, and yet they don't have any thing to show why they deserve these things. You know, like, what did you do to contribute to your company in order to ask for a raise? And more often than not, I would hear well, I deserve it because I've been working there a long time and they should be paying me more and this and that. And I'll ask the question you know, have you ever contributed to the company? Like, were you flexible? You know, were you with the mentality of they don't pay me enough, so I'm not going to do that job?
Speaker 1:
Because a lot of times that happens, right? You I've heard this time and time again, and perhaps maybe you have to that you're going to say, oh well, that's not in my job description, so I'm not going to do that. They don't pay me for that. I've heard that time and time again. But when you go in with that mentality of I'm not going to do it because it's not my job, as opposed to you know what? What can I learn today and what can I start recording as far as experiences that I am learning and contributing to the company, so that when the time comes for my evaluation and I do want to ask for a raise, this is what I can demonstrate, or this is what I can show them, or are you going to have that mentality of, well, they should already know what I do? And that happens, that happens a lot. And so I am starting to see that mentality. Where I'm at today, what I'm doing, and even with life coaching, even when I am meeting with individuals and conducting life coaching with them, I still hear that sense of entitlement or that victim mentality. Now you may think, well, isn't it almost the same thing? Well, yes and no. Both can be detrimental to one's personal growth and development. Okay, but it's important that we understand what the actual difference is between the two. So here are some points to consider when we're unpacking the perspective of entitlement and victim mentality.
Speaker 1:
It is the belief that one is deserving of certain privileges or special treatment without having to work for them. This mindset can lead to a sense of superiority and entitlement over others, and it is often accompanied by a lack of gratitude and appreciation for what one has. And I've seen that, and again it boils down to like the job Well, they should already know what I know how to do, I deserve to have that pay, I have this or I have that and they should just give it to me. But yet they don't have anything positive to show for it or they don't have any of the accomplishments, or they can't come to them with an outline of saying well, this is how I contributed to the company. This is what I was able to do in the last six months. Once I learned this, I've been able to apply it, I've been doing it and I've added a skill set to myself which, turn around, has produced the work and the goals that I was setting for myself. Things like that right, where you're able to demonstrate that.
Speaker 1:
But again, the entitlement comes with.
Speaker 1:
I deserve it, I should have it, I need to get it. And I'm seeing this more and more and more. And, mind you, a lot of times we hear that oh, which? Just the younger generation? Okay, it's the millennials that have this attitude and maybe in some way they do. But I see it more and more with older adults and specifically with women. I don't know why, but it's like the more aggressive they want to be in competing and getting a recognition for the work that they do. It's not coming with that mentality of. Let me demonstrate to you why it's more of like no, we deserve to have more pay. We deserve to have this, that sense of we deserve to have it, which I'm not going to say we don't, because I am a woman and I know that I can work just as hard as a man, but I had to be able to demonstrate that in stuff.
Speaker 1:
So, with victim mentality, on the other hand, is the belief that one is always at the mercy of external circumstances and that they have no control over their own lives. This mindset can lead to a sense of helplessness or hopelessness, as well as a tendency to blame other for one's problems, or for one's own problems, that is, and it is often accompanied by a lack of personal responsibility and accountability. Now, although they both kind of can sound the same, it is different, because with victim mentality, it's always that oh whoa, it's me attitude and people should just feel sorry for me. Look, I went through this and, mind you, I could have very easily stayed in that mentality, because I'm not going to lie to you. This is a podcast where I'm very open with my personal growth, the lessons that I've learned. I'm not ashamed and I'm not afraid to talk about them. Why? Because it's created me to be the person that I am, and what that takes is.
Speaker 1:
It involves accountability, self-accountability. It begins with taking responsibility for my actions as well. I could have very easily blamed the ex-husband. I could have very easily blamed the other person who was violent towards me as well, who belittled me, who physically, hurt me, emotionally, mentally, the way that I grew up, how it was growing up, all of those things. I could have very easily had that victim mentality and could have been like well, it's their fault that I'm going through what I'm going through, it's their fault that I'm broke, it's their fault that I don't have an education, it's everybody else's fault, but yet I don't want to take any action to change that around. I'm going to play that card, and the thing about it is is that if we continue to live with that sense of entitlement or that victim mentality, then how can we expect to grow, how can we expect to make changes in our lives? We can't. We can't because we're sabotaging our own self. And so, while both entitlement and victim mentality can be harmful, they manifest in different ways and can be addressed in different ways. But before I get to how we can overcome both of those, I just want to give an example of a situation that happened.
Speaker 1:
So, like I mentioned, I do work at an agency where we do assist individuals who are struggling right For whatever reason, and when we are assisting our clients, they have to provide certain documents into us. Like, if they're needing assistance with grant, if they're needing assistance with their utility bills, they have to provide certain documentation. And that documentation is a current bank statement, paycheck stubs, if they have any, their ID, if they're receiving any type of government assistance, their disconnection notices, eviction notices, whatever the case may be. And most agencies are like that. They are asking for certain documentation. Why? Because we have to see what's going on.
Speaker 1:
Well, me being from the other side of that, from workforce development, I look at those types of things a little bit differently because I know the other resources that can benefit some of these situations Not all, but some of them, the situations right. And so when I'm looking at everything, I'm looking at bank statements, I'm looking at spending habits, I'm looking at what all is going on. And if you're telling me that you have a family member that has a form of medical disability they're not able to work right, and you're providing me that documentation and you're telling me that you need assistance with paying your light bill. Now I get it. We've all been there, I've been there, okay. And so we have to look through those bank statements and we have to see their spending habits to see what's going on, to see what story it can tell us about what's happening with this person and don't get me wrong, it doesn't tell a full story but at least we can see some behavior patterns, right? So in this particular situation, this person sent me their application for assistance. An email was submitted in. This person never, apparently, received this email because there was an error, and we verified that once I was able to contact that person to let them know, or to ask them, rather, if they were still needing assistance, and once I was able to verify that information, they were able to submit their documents in.
Speaker 1:
Well, I'm looking through it and what I'm seeing is that $755 or $760 of that was going out to eat and I'm not talking about, like, little restaurants here and there, I'm talking about full-blown nice restaurants and your bill is $769, but your food bill and that's not including the groceries is $755. How on earth can I justify that action? But you're mad at me because your bill, your light, is about to be disconnected and you want me to pay your bill because you're going out to eat all of the time. So what is my recommendation? My recommendation is to work out a payment plan with your light company and to meet with a financial coach to see if there is a way that they can help you with your budget, to see if there's things that you can cut out, that you can do differently, you know, whatever that case may be. In fact, our agency even has cooking classes, if you need to have cooking classes, because one of the things that was mentioned was that we were penalizing her because she didn't know how to cook and that she was being a good Samaritan to her husband by buying him groceries or I mean that groceries, buying him meals.
Speaker 1:
I can't justify that. That right there to me is one. It's a sense of entitlement. You feel like, because their agency's out there like that, that we are going to just give you money when there are actually emergency situations out there that really do need the assistance, and yet you're going to put the blame on your husband because he has a condition and he is unable to work. So you want to play that victim cart as well. No, we cannot do that. We shouldn't do that. There's got to be a fine line and it's that. That's where we create those boundaries right. We have these systems in place because we need to be able to hold individuals accountable for their actions. But when people are not ready to see where they are wrong or where they're lacking, they're going to automatically assume or not assume, they're going to automatically put the blame on someone else other than themselves.
Speaker 1:
So, in saying all this, what can we do? What can we do as individuals to overcome both of these? Well, number one, overcoming entitlement. That is going to involve developing a sense of humility and gratitude, as well as recognizing the value of hard work and effort. We have to have that sense of humility and gratitude. Like. I would have been more than happy to perhaps assist this person had I seen that they were really trying hard to pay on their bill, like, but there was nothing on this bank statement that showed that a payment was even made. It was all going out to eat and by this point, your bill is not even $760,000 anymore, it's $1,800. And it's like that's crazy. That's crazy to me, but yet it's my fault that you're in this predicament. No, I'm not going to be blamed for your actions.
Speaker 1:
It involves acknowledging and appreciating the contribution of others and developing a sense of empathy and compassion for those who may be less fortunate, and in this case, you want me to feel bad for you? I can't. I can't feel bad for you when I know that you had the means in order to be able to address your situation, and that's not just for this particular person. It's also for anyone that does not want to put forth the effort in order to make necessary changes in order to be able to become a different version of yourself, or rather, a better version of yourself. We can't come in thinking that everyone owes us something just because we exist. That's not how life works.
Speaker 1:
Overcoming victim mentality involves developing a sense of personal responsibility and accountability, as well as recognizing that one has the power to make changes in their own life. And that is so true. It's like I was saying before I could have blamed everybody else. I could have blamed my mom for pressing charges on me and when I couldn't find a job and when I thought all I was going to be able to do is work at Jack in a box and I wasn't going to be able to have another job. And I was blaming everybody else, because it's like how dare you press charges on me, knowing darn well that I'm the one that forged my mom's and sister's name and I'm the one that took their money? Why? Because of a choice. Because I could have made a different choice and I didn't. I allowed for fear to dictate my action. Right, and instead of making a better decision, I made this one that I thought in my mind, was justifiable Right. But when the consequences of my actions were in front of me now, and I'm having to face up to them, I was trying to blame everybody else. I was. It was everybody else's fault for why I was in the situation.
Speaker 1:
I was never going to grow as a person if I continue to live with that mindset, and so what that involves is developing a growth mindset and seeking out opportunities for personal growth and development, and that, for me, was taking an inventory of myself. I had to look and see what areas of my life needed changing, and that is when I decided to go back to college. That is when I decided that I needed to do something different with my life. That's when I decided that I was not going to allow for my circumstances to stop me from continuing, continuing to move forward. I can't blame everybody else for what happened to me. I have to recognize that at some level I did make wrong choices, so I had to take personal responsibility for the actions that I took and I had to be held accountable for it. If I wasn't held accountable for those actions, then I would continue to be living like this and I would continue to make those mistakes. Why? Because I was not willing to take responsibility, and that's what happens time and time and time again.
Speaker 1:
And so this person that I was talking about earlier wants to come into the office and get all huffy and puffy. But when you're standing there and you know that you're not doing anything wrong, you don't have to yell, you don't have to get loud, you don't have to match that person's energy. You really don't. All you can do is present the facts for the way that they are. And when I started presenting the facts in a condominium and I said, okay, ma'am, this, this, this and this, let me demonstrate this to you they don't have anything else to say. So they get frustrated, they get mad and they know that they're not going to get anywhere. So what do they do? They leave. But it's up to us to maintain our composure when we're confronting or in-fronting someone who's got those type of mindsets right. We cannot match their energy, and we shouldn't, because then we're falling into the same mentality as they are. So, finally, it involves developing a sense of resilience and learning to bounce back from setbacks and challenges, and we've talked about this time and time again, right?
Speaker 1:
I remember the other day while we were in San Antonio actually the day that we got into San Antonio so it reminded me of this Bible scripture. So it's Lot's wife, and I don't know if you've never read your Bible, but I'll talk to you a little bit about that. So there was this man named Lot, and he lived in Sodom and Gomorrah, and that's when Jesus was going to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah because they were living their life very sinfully, the people of Sodom and Gomorrah and so God had had about enough of them, and so he told Lot that he and his daughters and his wife needed to leave. But the thing is is that they could not look back, and what he meant by that is don't look back at the things that you're leaving behind, because I am destroying them and God was going to have something better for them. But Lot's wife was all about her materialistic things, was all about the things that she was leaving behind, and so she ended up looking back and becomes a pillar of salt. And I'm not saying that we can't look back, it's the way that we're looking back at our lives, right. And so if you're looking back at your life like oh which, at one point, like I said, I had that victim mentality.
Speaker 1:
I had that sense of entitlement because I did have a house in San Antonio and this is where all that abuse was taking place and I lost my home, I lost the cars, I lost everything that we had that meant something to me in that particular place. But if I was going to have that mentality like Lot's wife and be like, oh my god, and I was going to focus on all the material things and not on the issue in hand, then I was going to be no better than Lot's wife, right? But we took a drive out there and I said you know what? I had my oldest daughter with me and she was the daughter that was born. She was the last child born in San Antonio and it was in that particular house.
Speaker 1:
And we were driving down and I said you know, daughter, I'm going to show you the house that we used to live at. And so we're driving and we get there and it was almost unrecognizable because there was some things missing, like there was this huge tree that was missing from there, right. And when we get there I'm looking and there's this old man that's there and I was talking to him, letting him know that I used to live in that house, and he says, oh well, this is my house now and he allowed us to go in and see the house again and I remembered every room, how it was decorated. I mean, I was going back in time and stuff like that, and I was telling my daughter. But then, in a moment, I just had to give God all the praise and glory because I was able to have a flashback moment of where my life was and what my life is today.
Speaker 1:
And although in both situations I have a home now, I have a backyard, I have all of the things that I have and I have a wonderful husband, the things that I desired when I was living in that house in San Antonio, all of the things that I wanted, that I was praying for and that you know that I wanted to have. I have today, like God blessed me with all of the things that I wanted to have in my life the family, man, the children, all of those things. And I was able to look back and glimpse at what my past was and how it was ending, how it was going to end up. Had I not made a different choice, had I not stepped out of the situation that I was in and no longer blaming others and feeling this sense of entitlement or having this victim mentality, but, for once in my life, taking responsibility for my actions, holding myself accountable for the mistakes that I made and make some changes in my life, and I was like, oh my God, like I just had this moment that I wanted to cry and be like, yes, I look back, but not in the way that Lot's wife looked back. I was looking back at like, wow, god, look how far you have brought me and look where I am at today and y'all. That was the most exciting feeling, and that is why Mommy on a Mission exists.
Speaker 1:
It's so that we can work together to navigate those things that are perhaps haunting you, that are perhaps maybe you're still living with anger, maybe you're still living with resentment. Maybe you still are overcoming that victim mentality, you know. Maybe you're still not out of that yet, or maybe you have this sense of entitlement because of circumstances of your life, but I'm here to let you know that if we continue to live like that, you'll never be able to fully grow the way God wants you to grow. Okay, so while entitlement and victim mentality can be dangerous mindsets to fall into, they can be overcome with effort and determination, and that's by developing a sense of humility, gratitude, personal responsibility and resilience, and together we can overcome those negative mindsets and live a more fulfilling life. So, listen, I'm gonna be talking about this as the month of December comes, but I am going to have a vision board workshop on December 30th, from four to six. It's gonna be $15, and what that price is going. Why I'm charging is because you know I wanna be able to buy all the art supplies and stuff that we'll need for that. So make sure to look at my website at mommyonemissioncom. The link is going to be on there.
Speaker 1:
Also, I've got a special going on with life and career coaching. So if you're interested in having life coaching, it's 50% off right now for five weeks. So if that's something you're interested in, sign up, let's have a one-on-one free consultation and then we can dive into what you're looking for. But it's gonna involve one-on-one coaching. It's going to involve some assignments you know weekly assignments that you'll get into. You'll also get a free journal to go with it and you know, like I said, we're gonna address some of those issues. And if you're looking into career development, then we can talk about resumes and cover letters and mock interviewing and all those things. So, whatever it is that you're looking for right now, we have a 50% special going on and with that you'll also get a free journal to go with it. So these are the things that are gonna be coming for the month of December. The sale is going to be from December 15th through January 15th and the vision board is so that we can go ahead and start looking at our goals for 2024.
Speaker 1:
I am a true believer in vision boards. I had one last year and I will tell you just about everything that was on my vision board was able to come, but we don't manifest it in the way that others consider manifestation. I gave all of my hopes and dreams to God and I allowed for God to do His will within it, and I am just so blessed to have seen those things come to pass. So, again, all of this is going to be on the website. So if this is something that you're interested in, reach out to me.
Speaker 1:
So I do hope that you were able to enjoy this episode. I hope that it brought you a little bit of, you know, information that perhaps you can share with others. So I encourage you to invite your friends, your sisters, your amigas, to listen to this episode and to the podcast. If you have not yet subscribed to it, please subscribe to the Mommy on the Mission podcast. Give me a review on Instagram, leave me a comment, give me some feedback on what you think. So, amigas, thank you so much for spending this time with me. I do hope that you have a great week and I will see you again next Wednesday at 7 pm.
Speaker 1:
If you are hearing this message, you've listened to the entire episode and for that I want to say me gracias from the bottom of my heart. If you would like to dive deeper into today's message and would like to connect with me, send me DM on Instagram, at olamommyonamission, or Facebook at Mommy on the Mission. You can also find me at mommyonamissioncom. I hope you've enjoyed this new episode and if you did, it would mean the world to me. If you would subscribe, share this podcast and leave me a review on Spotify and Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your podcast. Tune in next week for some more words of motivation, inspiration and encouragement on Mommy on the Mission podcast. Tune in next week for some more words of motivation, inspiration and encouragement on Mommy on the Mission podcast.