Breaking Free: Overcoming Doubt, Setting Boundaries, and Thriving

Ever wondered how you can break free from the shackles of doubt and fear to achieve your dreams? Join me, Mariana, as I share my personal journey of overcoming these paralyzing emotions, from the challenges in my career to the courage it took to leave an abusive marriage. In this episode of the MAMI on a Mission podcast, you'll gain practical strategies to push past fear and doubt, and hear inspiring stories that demonstrate the powerful transformation that courage can bring.

Next, we tackle the critical skill of setting and maintaining personal boundaries to prevent conflicts and misunderstandings. Through relatable tips and my own experiences, you'll learn how to uphold these boundaries effectively. Moreover, discover the life-changing benefits of journaling and therapy in overcoming toxic relationships and personal struggles. I highlight the importance of tracking progress, identifying triggers, and celebrating small victories, all while integrating spiritual and professional guidance. Get ready for an episode filled with actionable insights to help you live a more purposeful and fulfilling life!

Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share this inspiring episode with other multifaceted Latina women in your life.

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Chapters

• 0:04 Empowerment Through Overcoming Doubt and Fear
• 15:49 Establishing and Upholding Personal Boundaries
• 21:46 The Power of Journaling and Therapy

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Welcome to the Mommy on a Mission podcast. I'm Mariana, your host and the number one bestselling author of Mommy on a Mission a guide towards healing self-discovery and walking in confidence. As a dedicated life coach, wife, mom yaya and, most importantly, daughter of the king, I am passionate about empowering multifaceted women just like you. In each episode, we dive deep into transformative topics that help you reignite your passion and purpose. My unique approach is designed to help you overcome the fear of external expectations and create the space and time you need for both increased job satisfaction and personal growth. Join me on this journey of self-discovery and empowerment as we explore practical strategies, inspiring stories and actionable insights. Together, we'll navigate the complexities of life and emerge stronger, more confident and truly aligned with our deepest desires. Welcome to the Mom on a Mission podcast, your go-to resource for living a more purposeful and fulfilling life. So grab your taza of coffee and let's talk. Hello, hello. Welcome to another episode of Mommy on a Mission podcast, the podcast that empowers Latina women and all women, to reach their impossible goals, one dream at a time. I am your host, mariana, and welcome back to another episode. I'm so glad that you are here with me. You know it's funny because sometimes I come on here and I try to tone down my voice a little bit, because I am naturally a very loud person, and I was reminded of that the other day when I went to work, because every time I go into work the first thing that I do going in is good morning, and they're all like you need to bring that down. But I've always been a morning person and I want to say that over the last few years, you know, it has not been that way and so I don't know if it's because I've had the much needed rest. You know, last week COVID knocked me down and I was by myself. The family's gone, they won't be back until this. Actually, if you're listening to this episode today, I'm actually on the road about to go pick them up. So I do pre-record and so they do drop on Saturday morning. So if you're listening to this, I'm actually on the road to go get my kids. So, anyways, so it's been just me and the dogs, um, as I mentioned last week. So if you catch caught last week's episode, then you'll know that I was at home with COVID and and just kind of like chilling right and nobody's here. Husband is gone, the kids are gone, everybody's gone, and I'm like, okay, jesus, this is what I had been praying for, but I didn't want to be sick, so perhaps he was keeping me from doing anything I wasn't supposed to be doing. I don't know what that would be because, honestly speaking, by nine o'clock at night I'm ready to go to bed. I'd rather be in my pajamas watching TV and then end up falling asleep. Also, just a little bit of a disclaimer If you hear the barking in the background, those are my fur kids, which are Daisy and Beanie Weenie, and they hear the slightest noise and then they want to start barking. So you may hear that.

Speaker 1: 3:49

But listen, I wanted to talk today. So last week we spoke a little bit about failures and how we can learn about failures and what I wanted to add on to that. So I guess we can call this a part two of that episode. But this is going to speak specifically more about overcoming doubt and fear. So a lot of time when failure comes into play, it's because of that. It's, you know, doubt and fear has already played a part in that. So we don't want to fail and so therefore, we don't want to try anything, because we have doubts about our ability and then, of course, the fear of failing. So I wanted to dive a little bit deeper into that. So, with that being said, grab your taza de cafe, pen and paper and let's get this coaching session together.

Speaker 1: 4:46

So I don't know how many of you know this, but I am a life coach, I know. For those of you who have been following, you know that I'm a life coach. I am certified and I have been coaching for over 15 years, and this has been a common piece of conversation. It's, I am afraid, you know, cause. I've been a career coach for a very long time, and so a lot of them. But nonetheless, even with life coaching, the feelings are still the same, which are the doubts and the fears you know, doubting their ability to ask for a promotion or to get a raise or to find a better job, and then the fear of rejection. And so in life, we have those same doubts and fears, or the feelings behind it, right? So I know what that feels like. I've been there. I've had my own doubts and fears there. I've had my own doubts and fears, especially one of the biggest ones was leaving an abusive marriage.

Speaker 1: 5:52

So last week I talked a little bit about how I was married twice before and I'm I'm again married now and I've been married to my wonderful husband for the last 16 years. But before that, my second marriage was an abusive marriage and it was because I mean, of course, did I play a role in that? Absolutely, I'm not going to deny that I played a role in that. However, drugs were involved in this marriage. My ex-husband is a drug addict and the abuse heightened because of that and I knew that I had to make a decision.

Speaker 1: 6:36

After eight years of pouring into this marriage, I knew that it was time, especially when it was the last time that I was beaten up by him. You know, I remember that day being beaten across the room and I look up and my young son was looking down and I could just see his eyes and I knew that it was time because I was afraid that they were going to grow up seeing all of this before it would be in hiding um behind closed doors, and then it ended up becoming this thing out in the open, and so I had to make that decision to leave. But I was scared. I was very, very afraid, afraid to leave this marriage because I didn't know what or where to go. I had my doubts if I was even going to be able to, and the reason why I say that is because I had tried once before and he ended up coming back into my life convincing me to once again, you know, have him be a part, and I got sucked back in, and so I had my doubts. So it wasn't an easy thing to do, but it definitely was necessary in order for it to change the trajectory of my life. So, with that being said, I want to share, you know, a little. I wanted to share a little bit of my story, and then I also want to provide you with tools for you to be able to overcome your own doubts and fears.

Speaker 1: 8:13

Um, so, as I mentioned, you know, being in this toxic relationship, it was hard. Um, I often thought about can I make it on my own? Am I strong enough to be on my own? Um, I often thought about can I make it on my own? Am I strong enough to be on my own? Um, and deep down, I knew I deserved more. You know, I wanted a life, uh, full of love, of respect, of joy, of mutual you know support, and I had to really really think about what my next moves were, and if you listen to last week's episode, I gave a lot of tools about what I did in order to get moving along in the support system that I had. And I had to do a lot of self-reflection as well, and I had to believe in my own strengths and my own abilities in order to be able to carry that out. And I had to dig deep into my past to remember when I had that strength. So that's where Celebrate Recovery came into play, because it did teach me quite a bit of tools that I needed in order for me to prepare for that leave, you know, to leave that marriage, for that move.

Speaker 1: 9:34

And so one of the things that one of the exercises that we did was a visualization technique. So I want you, as if you're sitting right in front of me and you right now so, regardless of what you're doing whether it be overcoming fear, doubt, maybe you're trying to accomplish a goal. Whatever the case may be, the very first thing that I want you to do is take this moment to do this visualization exercise with me. So the first thing that I want you to do is I want you to close your eyes and I want you to take a deep breath. So you're going to close your eyes, and you're going to now. What I want you to do is I want to. I want you to imagine yourself right now, now, achieving your deepest desires and living the life you truly want.

Speaker 1: 10:51

Okay, so I want you to really think about that. What does that look like for you? So I want you to picture yourself reaching your goals, and I want you to see yourself surrounded by success and happiness. Surrounded by success and happiness. Feel the joy radiating within you and see the smiles of accomplishment on your face. Okay, and as you continue this visualization, notice how your confidence begins to grow and how much more clear things are going to be. So the clarity is going to deepen a little bit more. So think about those things. Take time out of your day to really just picture what it is that you see yourself doing, because, see, visualization is a very, very potent technique that can help you align your thoughts, your emotions and your actions towards your goal. So, by seeing yourself successful in your mind's eye, you are programming your subconscious mind to believe in your capabilities and attract opportunities that will lead you to success. So embracing this exercise regularly can empower you to overcome challenges. It'll help you stay focused on your objectives and it'll help you maintain a positive mindset even when you're facing obstacles. It's almost as if you're doing a mental rehearsal, so it's preparing you for that journey, for making your goals feel more achievable and within your reach. Achievable and within your reach.

Speaker 1: 12:45

I like to practice the visualization technique, especially when things become very, very overwhelming. For me and that was one of the things that we did in Celebrate Recovery is we wanted to visualize our life out of so for me it was out of this marriage that was toxic. I wanted to visualize what it would feel like. What would it be like to be in a happy marriage, one with a self-respect, one with a mutual appreciation for life, with someone who was motivated, was goal-oriented, was someone who wanted to succeed just as much as I wanted to. And what was that going to look like for my children? I wanted my kids to grow up not seeing parents fight, not with drugs around. I wanted them to see something different, something better, and so that is one of the techniques that I, to this very day, and it's been 20 years now that I continue to practice. So I want you to continue to visualize your success. Harness the power of your imagination to create the reality that you desire, that you want, and keep embracing this practice and watch how it begins to transform your mindset and it propels you towards your dream. That right there is going to feel very empowering once you start getting a grasp of visualizing your life.

Speaker 1: 14:23

The next thing that we learned, and it's just as important, is setting boundaries, and I've spoken about boundaries before in other episodes and I may have spoken about it a little bit last week, but setting boundaries is very, very important and this is, I guess you could say, a little bit more of a newer concept now that there's more about self-care, self-love, self-respect, all of these things. But it does begin with setting boundaries, and I like to look at boundaries as a offensive protection. I'm not going to say a wall, because a wall is more like you're. You're, you know, creating this thing to block and for you not to see and for them not to see you, right, but a fence. It's more of a security. So, like for me I had, because I'm looking at my dog and we have this little, we have our yard fenced in, right. Why? Because we want to protect them. We want them to know that there is a boundary, that they can't go out that fence, because then they can face dangers that can be harmful to them. Well, it works the same way for us, and so we want to be able to create boundaries that are going to communicate what it is that you need and what not only would what you expect from other people, but what do you expect even for yourself.

Speaker 1: 15:49

So how, how this is going to help is it's going to help prevent any misunderstandings in conflict. So, for instance, with me, one of the boundaries that I had and this is just one of the examples is I created this boundary of if I'm going to have communication with someone, we can speak, we can talk, but you're not going to holler at me, you're not going to start cursing at me, you're not going to disrespect me, you're not going to call me out of my name. That is not something that, because then, once that happens, either I'm tuning you out or I'm not even listening to what you're saying anymore, because now I've built up a defense mechanism, right, and so we want to make that very clear that if we're going to have a healthy conversation, we're going to have a conversation, but we're not going to call each other out of names, out of our names, and so that's one example. Another one is someone can set a boundary that they will not tolerate being interrupted constantly during conversations, or setting a boundary around personal space, such as not allowing others to touch you without permission, because because we need them to understand that, no, cause some people me okay, personally me, I am a hugger.

Speaker 1: 17:14

I love to hug people, but I've learned, too, that not everybody is um. Some people will extend their hand, though, and what they'll do to stop that is they'll raise up their hand in kind of like a stop motion, right, and that's just to let somebody know hey, you're invading my space, I don't want to be touched. And so now I've learned, you know, may I hug you? Is it okay? Are you okay with receiving hugs? Some people will say no, some people will say yes, and that's all about respecting their personal space. So that's a boundary that we can use, right, and the boundaries what they do is they help individuals feel more empowered and in control of their own wellbeing, right, but what happens if you break your own boundary? Well, there's got to be consequences for all of those things. So if you're going to boundary, well, there's got to be consequences for all of those things. So, if you're going to break a boundary, then that means you need to reevaluate, reflect and learn what you need to do differently.

Speaker 1: 18:18

And so one of the things that we did in Celebrate Recovery was when, if we had a boundary and we did not follow through with our boundary, so, let's say, we allowed for someone, like in my case, like I said, and I was talking to someone and it escalated and they started cursing at me and then I fell through, so that to me, right there, I didn't stop it, I entertained it, so to speak. So what did that mean for me? Well, we would have these little reward things that we would do. So if I, you know, if I follow through with my boundary, okay, then I would reward myself by having a Starbucks coffee. Starbucks coffee Now, back then, to buy a Starbucks coffee myself, single mother with three children, was huge because, first of all, I am a coffee lover, like most of us Latinas are. And uh, and I knew that that was going to be my reward If I knew that I was a lot, that I was respecting my own boundary, but I was also following through where no one else was going to cross that boundary for me, but if I didn't, then I would not get my Starbucks coffee and I had to work on that boundary again. So that's just another example of what you can do. You can reward yourself when you have followed through with your boundary, or you can I don't like to say punish yourself, but if you want that reward, whatever that reward is, you're going to set that reward. But whatever that reward is, you'll set that, okay. So it doesn't have to be anything elaborate or expensive or anything like that. For me it was coffee, because that means that I was saving my money for that and if I didn't follow through then I would have to wait, okay.

Speaker 1: 20:16

Another thing that I would recommend is journaling, and I explained a little bit about journaling last week. But in journaling, not only the good things, because I think last week I spoke about that. I want you to journal your thoughts and feelings, because one of the things that I love about journaling is that it's so therapeutic, and a lot of times people say, well, I don't even know what to write. I don't know what to say. Let me tell you this If it means that you've got to say shit, shit, shit, over and over over again in your journal. So be it, because here's the thing about journaling you want to get it all out of you. It does not have to be perfect. The only person that's really going to be looking at this journal is you. If your emotions is like damn it, you know, here we go again and I want you to write all that. Empty that out. You don't want to stuff your feelings. If you don't have a way to speak or you're afraid to speak to somebody or whatever, then I would recommend journaling. Write that down, write your emotions, you know, let it all out, let it slip out and then give it to God. Um, I can't tell you how many times that has helped me over the years and I learned a lot about now. Like I said, I used to write in a diary, but it was always like cutesy stuff or whatever.

Speaker 1: 21:46

Journaling took a different meaning for me, especially as I was in this toxic marriage. I was writing down my feelings, how I was feeling, my emotions, what I wanted out of the marriage. When I started reading my Bible, writing down scriptures and, you know, putting my feelings to connect with the scripture, that was going to help me. That was one of the things. And then I eventually got to the point where I was reading my journal out loud to the group that I was part of in Celebrate Recovery and at the same time I started to learn how to track my progress, like I could see the transformation on these pages, I could identify certain triggers and patterns that were causing me the pain and that took time. So it was a really neat tool to do, because I can go back now and I have. Actually, when I wrote my book last year, I had to go back to my journals and revisit some of those moments and relive them to date than when I was writing them down before and I just see how much I've evolved over the years in the last 20 years, how much life has changed for me.

Speaker 1: 23:19

But celebrate your wins, write those down. I don't care how small it is If it means that, like we were just talking about the boundaries, like you follow through on your boundary Maybe your boundary was telling somebody please don't touch me. And you were able to celebrate that. Write that down. How did that feel? How did that make you feel? Did? How did it empower you? Did it give you a little bit of the boost of confidence that you were looking for, whatever the case is. But I want you to start writing those things down and meditate on them and reflect back on them. Trust me, it is going to help so much, help, so much.

Speaker 1: 24:13

This is another thing that we learned, and a lot of us still, especially us Latina women. So, amiga, I know, because we don't like to talk about going to a therapist, that's still something that is very much I don't want to say taboo, but it's still frowned upon against our culture, and I don't know why that is. But what I am proud of is that it's becoming more and more of an open conversation. But it starts with you, in order for you. You may have to go to therapy, no matter how fearful or scared you are to do it. It might take you to do that in order for your family to see that it's not a thing for locals, because we're not crazy, but we are dealing with a lot of things right, and so it's very helpful when you can have someone that you can talk to. And you know it started.

Speaker 1: 25:11

For me, it started with Celebrate Recovery and then it eventually went to a therapist and then later on, I learned all about coaching, life coaching and stuff. And so to this very day like I said last week to this very day, I go to a therapist. I may not go all the time as I used to, but I do try to check in with the therapist at least twice a year because I want to make sure that I'm up to date on the tools and the practices and that the things that I teach that I'm also doing as well. So I need to have somebody to hold me accountable as well, because, even though I'm a life coach, there's still stresses in my life, there are still things in my life that I still battle with, and so it's a journey even for me. But that is the great thing about it is because, as I'm learning the tools, or as I am obtaining the tools and putting them into practice, I'm able to share that with you. So, just like today I'm able the tools, or as I am obtaining the tools and putting them into practice, I share that. I'm able to share that with you. So, just like today you know, I'm able to share with you my experience of going to a therapist and how helpful it was for me, and because of that, it taught me the tools that I needed to become self-aware, to identify certain triggers.

Speaker 1: 26:26

I think I spoke about this also, and that was about flowers daisies, which is my favorite flower and I remember that my husband at the time he was my boyfriend and I had just gotten a job I was still maybe two years out of the previous marriage and he bought me flowers to celebrate that I had found employment and to tell you that I was livid is. It was unreal how I felt. I called him up and I cursed him out and I said why are you giving me this flowers? Are you cheating on me? You know, are you doing something behind my back? Are you doing drugs? What's the deal? And he was just like, very clueless as to what I was talking about.

Speaker 1: 27:10

And the thing about it is is that the daisies were triggering for me, as much as I love them, but it gave a different meaning because my ex-husband, every time he did wrong, would give me daisies, to the point that he ended up giving me a bouquet of daisies saying here um, I'm giving you these flowers because I'm probably going to mess up later. I'm like can you believe that you're giving me flowers? And because you probably going to mess up like it. It's not even I'm sorry, it's. Yeah, I'm going to mess up. So here you go. Saves me from having to give it to you later Like what the hell, who does that? Who does that? Well, he did, and so I had to talk about those things in therapy.

Speaker 1: 28:03

So it's good to have professional guidance, you know, because, like I said, they'll provide you the work on the aspect of deep mental health. You know where prescription, medication and stuff is concerned. But, as a life coach, once you start working with the therapist, then you are a little bit more open and receptive to begin making those life changes and achieving your goals. And that's where a life coach will come into play, because then a life coach such as myself will talk to you and help you establish the goals that you want to establish and then execute by putting action to those goals, and so I think it's a very helpful tool, it's a very powerful tool and it's a way to start building up your support system.

Speaker 1: 29:06

The last tip is staying present. What I mean by that is oftentimes, when we are facing something or, um, looking at our goals and stuff, we have the tendency and I'm saying we because I do the same thing, or at least I've done the same thing before, and that's we worry about the future. Okay, well, number one we don't know what the future is going to hold. And if all you're going to do is focus on the future and the what ifs, then you'll never do. Going to do is focus on the future and the what ifs, then you'll never do or take action for your goals, because you're going to allow your mind to wander off into oblivion and figure out what's going on in this dark hole.

Speaker 1: 29:54

Well, you can't do that to yourself, and for a very, very long time, it was the very reason why I didn't go back to college and get my degree, because I was like, oh my God, but how long is this going to take? You know, am I going to have the support? Am I going to be able to do this? You know what if, in a year, things change and I can't finish? I mean, I was already creating all of the worst case scenarios and putting it to the future, and what happened was is that I wasn't focusing on right now.

Speaker 1: 30:30

And I always had to remind myself and it was funny because during that time, when I did go back to college, there was a song that I would listen to. It's an old song, it's one day at a time, sweet Jesus, but I would sing it in Spanish and I had to. I had to take it one day at a time, one minute at a time, one second at a time, one hour at a time, and I had to just focus on the right now, because if I allowed myself to think about tomorrow, next week, one year, two years, five years, and how long this is going to take, is it going to be possible? If I didn't focus on today, I was going to allow myself to talk my uh, to talk my way out of doing something, because I was already developing that anxiety for that. And so stay present, amiga. Stay present. Don't allow for yourself to let your mind wander off into the future. Stay focused on the right now, on what you can do, what you have control to do, and the things that you don't have control of don't worry about until you get to that point, because a lot of times when we're out of control, it's because we're trying to do more than we can. In that moment, everything has to develop right.

Speaker 1: 31:55

It's like going for a run. Maybe your goal is to run a half marathon. And then you're going to go out there put on your tennis shoes, and then you're going to run and you're thinking, oh yeah, I can do 13.1 miles. And then you go out for the run and you realize I can't even do a mile. You've got to lead, it's got to lead up to that. You've got to train, you've got to put in the work, you've got to.

Speaker 1: 32:21

It takes time, it takes dedication to build the stamina in order to run 13.1 miles. And I say this because I've done six of them and it's been a while. And if I go out there today, I won't be able to do it, because I struggled just to do three miles. Yeah, and that's coming from somebody who's done six half marathons. So, trust me, it takes a lot of effort, it takes a lot of training and you only have to focus on the present, on today. How much can I do today? And eventually you'll start adding on a little bit more, a little bit more, a little bit more, until you get to the 13.1 miles. Same thing with life and your goals it's going to take time. So quit trying to rush the process and stay focused. Stay present. All right, okay, amigas, so we've learned all of these little wonderful tips, so I'm going to go over them very quickly.

Speaker 1: 33:22

Number one visualize your success. Number two set boundaries. Number three journal your journey. Number four seek professional help. And number five stay present.

Speaker 1: 33:37

Stay present, and I mean, as overcoming doubt and fear is a journey, it's not a destination, and it requires patience, self-love and relentless determination. You have the power within you to create the life you want, and so, before we wrap up, I want to leave you with the scripture that has always given me strength and that comes from 2 Timothy 1, 7 and says for God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of sound mind, thank you, thank you so much for joining me today. I hope this episode has inspired you to take bold steps towards your dreams. As always, don't forget to subscribe, share this episode with your amigas and follow me on social media. And until next time, keep shining and stay empowered. Adios, amigas.

Speaker 1: 34:43

Thank you for tuning in to the Mommy on a Mission podcast. If you found today's episode inspiring, don't forget to subscribe, leave a review and share it with your amigas. And, before you go, if you're looking to dive deeper into healing, self-discovery and walking in confidence. Be sure to grab a copy of my book Mommy on a Mission a guide towards healing self-discovery and walking in confidence, available now on Amazon. Stay connected with me on social media. Follow us on Instagram at Mommy on a Mission Podcast, and on Facebook at Mommy on a Mission. If you're considering working with a coach but aren't sure if you're ready, send me a DM and I will send you a free gift to help you get started on your journey. Until next Saturday, keep shining and remember the power is within you. Adios, amigas.