You've Got to Inspect What You Expect!

Ever felt trapped under a controlling boss who micromanages every aspect of your work? I have, and it's a story worth sharing. Join me, Mariana, as I recount my experience under a micromanaging supervisor at a Christian organization in Houston and the valuable lessons I learned about leadership, self-awareness, and integrity. This episode of the MAMI on a Mission podcast dives deep into the pitfalls of excessive control and the importance of fostering independence and trust within professional environments. 

We'll also reflect on the powerful message of James 2:26, discussing how aligning our actions with our beliefs is crucial for achieving our goals. Discover practical strategies for setting realistic expectations, measuring progress, and holding yourself accountable. You'll learn how to support others with love and grace and choose the right accountability partner to guide you on your journey. Filled with inspiring stories and actionable insights, this episode is all about empowering yourself to reach those seemingly impossible dreams, one step at a time. Don't miss out on this opportunity to transform your approach to personal and professional growth.

RESOURCES

EmpowerHer Purpose Program

Interested on coaching but still not sure? Grab your free copy of:
EmpowerHer Purpose Guide

MAMI on a Mission LLC

Grab your Copy of my book MAMI on a Mission - A Guide Towards Healing, Self-Discovery and Walking in Confidence



FOLLOW
Follow me on Instagram: @mamionamissionpodcast

Follow me on FaceBook: @mamionamission

Signup for a free monthly newsletter

Chapters

• 0:04 Empowering Women Through Self-Discovery
• 8:57 Achieving Goals Through Action and Accountability
• 14:03 Supporting Accountability Through Love and Grace

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Welcome to the Mommy on a Mission podcast. I'm Mariana, your host and the number one bestselling author of Mommy on a Mission a guide towards healing, self-discovery and walking in confidence. As a dedicated life coach, wife, mom yaya and, most importantly, daughter of the king, I am passionate about empowering multifaceted women just like you. In each episode, we dive deep into transformative topics that help you reignite your passion and purpose. My unique approach is designed to help you overcome the fear of external expectations and create the space and time you need for both increased job satisfaction and personal growth. Join me on this journey of self-discovery and empowerment as we explore practical strategies, inspiring stories and actionable insights. Together, we'll navigate the complexities of life and emerge stronger, more confident and truly aligned with our deepest desires. Welcome to the Mom on a Mission podcast, your go-to resource for living a more purposeful and fulfilling life. So grab your Tazza cafe y vamos a platicar. Hola, amiga. Welcome to another episode of Mommy on a Mission podcast, the podcast that empowers women to reach their impossible goals, one dream at a time. I'm Mariana, your host and the author of Mommy on a Mission a guide towards healing, self-discovery and walking in confidence. Listen before we get started in today's topic. I wanted just to ask how are you doing? How are you planning on spending your long weekend? So maybe it's. You don't have to work Monday, so it's probably a long weekend for you. I know it is for me, and the kids are going to be home with me and I'm going to be home, and so, as for me, I'm just going to be here, being mom, wife, doing all the things with them. There's never any time to sleep in, especially when you're trying to cram everything in right. And just a little disclaimer, you may hear the dogs, because they're joining me today, because they know that mommy's home, so they got to be right here. So it's like the perros are right here with me too. But, listen, I do hope that you do get to squeeze in some fun time with your family, but for now, I'm glad that you are going to spend time with me this morning. So, with that being said, thank you for taking your time with me this Saturday morning. Listen, today we're going to be discussing something a little different, maybe interesting too. I titled it Inspect what you Expect. Okay, let me tell you how. That what you expect. Okay, let me tell you how that title came about. So I first heard about that term inspect what you expect.

Speaker 1: 3:12

Uh, when I used to work for this one agency out in Houston and the manager and if I'm going to be honest, um, she is and was a micromanager and she had no problem admitting to it I remember one day she had asked the question what if, like during an interview, what if you ask somebody what do they think about micromanagers? And I think she asked that question because she wanted to see what the response was going to be. But anyways, so that was just kind of like her way of, I guess, letting us know that she was going to be on top of our work, but in reality, it was her way of trying to control our every move. So, in other words, she was justifying her action of questioning us about every little thing that we did. And so how she made sure that she did this was she would have us create like a to-do list, like every day she would say, hey, every morning, I want you to email me what you got going on today, okay, and so throughout the day, she would actually go down that list to find out what all we were doing. And if we didn't do that, she wanted to know why we didn't do that. She was also the kind of manager that if she's calling you and you don't answer the phone and you don't answer the phone, she's going to also call your office neighbor or whomever to see if you are in the office and if you're not, she's going to want to know when did I leave the office? How long have I been out of the office? Who am I talking to? How long have I been talking to that person? Who am I talking to? How long have I been talking to that person? When did I mean? I'm being dead honest with you all. That's just how it was in that place.

Speaker 1: 5:14

And here's the thing this was a Christian organization. It wasn't a church, but it was a Christian organization, but it was a Christian organization. And I remember sitting in her office and on her cubicle or her overhead she had this picture of leader and manager and the leader was the person that was in front leading the team. And the person was in the front because that person was going to get hit first, right To protect the team, whereas the manager was sitting in like the chariot. So it was almost like in those Greek times, right. And so the manager was sitting in the in the chariot while the team was the one pulling, so that the team could be the ones to get hurt.

Speaker 1: 6:12

And and I just that always stuck to me because I remember feeling like I I think that was one of the reasons I kind of like shied away from management positions, because I was so afraid that perhaps I was going to be just like that, because when you're around a certain person long enough, you tend to adopt certain behaviors, whether it be out of fear of losing your job, whether it be because that's just how they are and they influence you like that. Or like how we say, porque te dejas llevar. And so for me, I think it was because during that time I was afraid of losing a job, because I knew how hard it was for me to go out and look for another job, and so I knew that I wanted to make sure that I was going to do everything that she asked me to do, even though I did not feel good about it. And after a while I realized that that was not going to be healthy for me, and not just that, but it wasn't healthy for the rest of the team either, because of her style being a dictatorship rather than leadership. It caused a lot of chaos amongst us coworkers that, instead of building trust and support within one another, it caused a lot of division and hurt. So it was almost like she put us up against each other and so we couldn't tell if we could trust each other or not, because we didn't know who was going to say what and who was going to do whatever. Say what and who was going to do, you know whatever. And so we were always just kind of like walking on eggshells and that wasn't good, that it wasn't good for any of us, and so, but that's. But getting back to where I heard that from, that's where it came from. That's where it came from. Inspect what you expect. Now I will say that it doesn't have to necessarily always be bad in how you look at it. Okay, so, as we dive deep into this topic, I am going to discuss on ways that we can take some things out of it and how we can turn it around to make it a little bit, to make it something more positive.

Speaker 1: 8:57

Okay, so, join me on this episode today. Grab your taza de cafe, grab a pen and paper and get ready to jot down some, you know, key takeaways and highlights, and let's get started, all right. So, amiga, what I want to do is I want to go ahead and get started with a scripture, and one of the scriptures that popped out was James 2.26, which says faith without works is dead. And this reminds us that our beliefs and expectations must be accompanied by action if we want to see results Now. If we want to see results Now, not in the way that my ex-manager used to do it, okay. So, having high expectations for ourselves and others is viable, but it's not enough to just set these expectations right. We must actively inspect and evaluate our actions and behaviors to ensure we're on the right path. So we're going to go ahead and explore that on how to do just that, all right.

Speaker 1: 10:11

So the difference between expectations versus reality We've all been there, right. We set expectations. It's easy to do, but achieving them is where that hard work comes in. So we all have this expectation of what we want to accomplish. That's the easy part. We can write it down and we say, okay, this is the goal that we want to set, this is what we have put in place. Can write it down. We say, okay, this is the goal that we want to set. This is what we have put in place, but when it comes time to getting there and putting the actual work into it, that's where it becomes tricky or sticky.

Speaker 1: 10:50

So let's talk about some common areas where we struggle to meet our expectations. So maybe it's in our careers, right, maybe it's a personal goal or a relationship, and often the gap between our expectation and reality stems from a lack of self-awareness and accountability. So what do we do To bridge this gap? We need to be honest with ourselves and take responsibility for our actions. Only then can we move closer to our goals. Here's the thing Oftentimes, when we do things and they don't come out right, we always want to blame other things. We always want to blame someone else, blame other things. We always want to blame someone else. We always want to blame what went wrong, but we never want to take a look at ourselves and assume any responsibility of why the goal did not, you know, get accomplished. Okay, we don't want to look at our actions. So in inspecting our actions, we have to regularly evaluate our thoughts, our words and deeds. Why? Because it's crucial. Self-reflection and introspection helps us identify areas for growth and improvement. So think about it like this If you want to improve your fitness, you wouldn't just set a goal, right, and then forget it.

Speaker 1: 12:24

It's like that what is it? That meal thing? Set it and forget it. You set something and then to cook it and then you forget about it, and then you come back when you hear the beep, right. Well, it doesn't work like that, right? You can't just say, oh yeah, I want to get fit and I want to do this, and then you just say, okay, here's my goal and that's it. I don't do the exercise, I don't change my eating habits, I don't do anything to make the progress, right? We just do the same thing over and over and over again. Okay, well, that same principle applies to all areas of our lives.

Speaker 1: 13:01

By actively inspecting our actions, we can ensure that they align with our expectations, right? So we do have to look at ourselves. We have to look at what it is that we're doing, because if we don't reevaluate ourselves, if we don't stop and pause and reevaluate, then how do we know if we're accomplishing our goals? So, for instance, what I mean by that is if we're on that fitness journey, right, how do we know we're progressing? If we're, if we've changed that diet, we're working out and all of the things. How do we know if we're progressing? We either measure ourselves or we get on that scale right, because we did that the first time. We got on that, because that was the pinpoint, that was what was going to start it right. So now we have to evaluate ourselves. So we've got to inspect what we're doing to make sure that we're meeting that expectation. Okay, so I hope you're following me on this one, all right.

Speaker 1: 14:03

The next thing is is holding someone else accountable? Okay, so accountability is not just for us, but it's also for us helping others meet their expectations. When we hold others accountable, we provide them with the support, the guidance, guidance and what resources they need in order to accomplish their goal. Now, in holding someone accountable doesn't mean, like my manager, that you're going over there and then you're making them feel bad for not accomplishing their goal, like why didn't you do this, or, or why didn't you do that, or whatever the case may be.

Speaker 1: 14:54

You know we don't go to them in that way. What we do is we come to our, our friend, whomever that person is, that said hey, I need your support, I need you to. You know, help me out, just follow up with me, ask me how are things going? And when that person is asking you to help them out, they're asking you and granting you permission to ask them about their journey. Okay, they're giving you permission to tell them truths in love, with kindness, with grace, with mercy, because at the same time, we have to turn it around too, because how would we feel if somebody came to us and we're saying, hey, you know, I really could use an accountability partner, I really could use your support.

Speaker 1: 16:00

You know, I'm on this journey of wanting to accomplish X amount of goal, or whatever it is I want to accomplish, and I really need, you know, you to really just follow up with me. You know, and I'm giving you permission to call me out on my crap. I'm giving you permission to call me out when I'm not meeting that expectation that I set for myself, and so it could be all right. So how are you going to inspect yourself? What are the questions that you would like for me to ask you? And those could be the things that y'all can work on together as an accountability partner. It's not about okay, well, I'm doing this and this, and then you're going to go back in, because that may not be the thing that they need, because they know that that's that area that they fall short in, and that's what we call constructive feedback. It's that support with grace and understanding, because we're all on this journey together and a little kindness goes a long way in helping each other succeed each other succeed.

Speaker 1: 17:18

I personally am one that thrives off of words of affirmation more so than gifts Although I do love gifts, don't get me wrong but words of affirmation and acts of service is my love language, because when I see that someone will do something for me, it just does something to me, it just really will do something for me, it just does something to me, it just really really does something for me. Or when they give me a kind word, it just kind of like boosts I guess you could say boosts my ego up, right, but we have to understand what is it that helps that other person thrive? What is their love language? What is something that we can do to help them? Because we all have it. We all have something that helps us out. And when it comes to accountability partners, not everyone can be an accountability partner. Not everyone can fit that role. For you or for me, it's got to be someone that has been successful in the things that you are trying to accomplish. It's almost like having that personal mentor that understands and knows exactly what you're going to be going through when you're trying to achieve a specific goal, because they've already achieved that goal, so they kind of know what to expect from your journey and so they can help guide you and navigate you and provide you some wisdom and some knowledge about that journey.

Speaker 1: 18:50

Right Now, we're all gonna go through a journey in a completely different way. Some of us will go through it a lot easier than others, and then some of us are going to go through it like a rough patch. There's a section in my book and, as a matter of fact, I think I have it right here. There's a section in my book and I think let me see where it's at. It says real life versus reality. And oh my gosh, what page is it on? Oh, and in case you didn't know, I do have a book. It's called Mommy on a Mission. Oh, here it is.

Speaker 1: 19:28

It says there's an illustration that depicts the path from point A to point B. The first image shows a straight line with. The second shows a path with ups and downs. However, the truth is that there is no such thing as a perfectly straight path, right? So our journey, when it comes to the things that we're trying to navigate, can be a straight line. It can go, you know, up and down, but in reality, sometimes it's just that squiggly line is taking us all over the place, right? And so that's going to be life for the most part, for a lot of us, for the most part for a lot of us.

Speaker 1: 20:11

But inspecting what you expect should not have to be a bad thing. The experience that I had with it was not the best, but, being that I was on a journey of healing, and being that I had others who had used that term before Her actually someone that a program director that was over her would use that same concept. It's just that this particular manager tainted what the director was doing. The manager really tainted that expression, but the director was more about. We have to inspect ourselves, we have to inspect what we're doing, and it all fell down to like if we are having when we're in a relationship with our coworkers and I don't mean a relationship like a personal, I'm talking about a work relationship, when we're working with our coworkers and we find moments that are uncomfortable or a disagreement, how are we going to handle that? We have to inspect our behavior on how we're going to respond to certain disagreements, like, are we going to agree to disagree, or are we going to going to agree to disagree or are we going to backlash? So that's where that concept came from.

Speaker 1: 21:38

The manager, on the other hand, used it to micromanage, and that's not what we want to do. We don't want to be that type of person to micromanage other people, because, in reality, we're all adults, we all have feelings and we all have different ways of how we're going to handle things. Right, so, um, so I hope that, um, this was helpful. Uh, I know that it was helpful for me, um, just recently to kind of revisit that term. Um, so, just to kind of recap, in case you just joined me, kind of recap in case you just joined me, you know, in the middle of this, to recap, one faith without works is dead.

Speaker 1: 22:20

So our expectation needs to be backed by actions. To bridge the gap between expectations and reality. We need self-awareness and accountability. Regularly inspecting our actions ensures that they align with our expectations and then helping others with grace. Understanding fosters a supportive environment for everyone's growth. So, amiga, I challenge you to commit to inspecting what you expect in your own life. Hold yourself accountable and offer the same support to those around you. So thank you so much for joining me today and if you enjoyed this episode, please share it with your amiga. Let's spread the inspiration and empowerment. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, enjoy this long weekend with your family and remember you are capable of achieving your impossible goals, one dream at a time.

Speaker 1: 23:25

And before we close out, let me pray very quickly with you, father God. We just come before you, lord Jesus Christ. We just want to say thank you, lord, for allowing us this time together. Father God, your word always comes just in time, father God, and we want to just be able to honor you, we want to be able to glorify you and we want to be able to extend the same type of kindness, grace and mercy that you have always extended us, father God. May we be more like you, father God, and may we continue to inspect what we expect out of ourselves, father God. May we inspect what you expect out of us, father God, because your word shows us exactly what it is that you expect from us, father God. So may we inspect that we are doing the things that you're calling us to do, father God. And so I lift my amiga up to you today, I lift her family up to you. Father God, I pray that you would just bless her financially with good health. Father God, I bless that you would just direct her steps in every which way possible and, father God, that you would just make all of her dreams, those dreams that seem impossible to her. Father God, that you will make them possible. And it's in Jesus name that we pray. Amen. All right, amiga, I'll see you next Saturday.

Speaker 1: 24:49

Thank you for tuning in to the Mommy on a Mission podcast. Thank you for tuning in to the Mommy on a Mission podcast. If you found today's episode inspiring, don't forget to subscribe, leave a review and share it with your amigas. And before you go, if you're looking to dive deeper into healing, self-discovery and walking in confidence, be sure to grab a copy of my book Mommy on a Mission a guide towards healing, self-discovery and walking in confidence, available now on Amazon. Stay connected with me on social media. Follow us on Instagram at Mommy on a Mission Podcast, and on Facebook at Mommy on a Mission. If you're considering working with a coach, but aren't sure. If you're ready, send me a DM and I will send you a free gift to help you get started on your journey. Until next Saturday, keep shining and remember the tower is within you. Adios, amigas.