Breaking the Silence: Empowering Survivors of Domestic Violence

What does it take to truly break the cycle of domestic violence? Join me, Mariana, as I share my deeply personal journey and discuss the critical need to raise awareness during Domestic Violence Awareness Month and Hispanic Heritage Month. This episode of the MAMI on a Mission podcast marks a special milestone—two years of inspiring and empowering Latina women and women from all backgrounds to reach their goals. You'll hear my own survival story and learn how God's love and strength guided me towards healing. We tackle the cultural stigmas that often keep victims silent and emphasize the necessity of speaking out and supporting one another in the fight against domestic violence.

In this conversation, we delve into the pervasive issue of domestic violence and its significant impact on women of color, specifically Latina and Black women. We explore the alarming statistics and the various barriers—cultural, legal, and emotional—that prevent victims from seeking help. Through raw storytelling, we highlight the importance of recognizing non-physical signs of abuse and the lasting effects it can have on one's mental and physical health. We call for collective responsibility to educate, support, and create safe spaces for survivors. Tune in to hear heartfelt prayers for strength and actionable steps to build a future where every woman feels safe, loved, and free. Join us for more powerful stories and expert insights in upcoming episodes.

RESOURCES

EmpowerHer Purpose Program

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MAMI on a Mission LLC

Grab your Copy of my book MAMI on a Mission - A Guide Towards Healing, Self-Discovery and Walking in Confidence
Email to grab a personalized signed copy: mariana@mamionamission.com

National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-7233 or text 88788

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Chapters

• 0:04 Breaking the Cycle
• 17:08 Empowering Survivors of Domestic Violence
• 30:23 Breaking the Cycle of Domestic Violence

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Welcome to the Mommy on a Mission podcast. I'm Mariana, your host and the number one bestselling author of Mommy on a Mission a guide towards healing self-discovery and walking in confidence. As a dedicated life coach, wife, mom yaya and, most importantly, daughter of the king, I am passionate about empowering multifaceted women just like you. In each episode, we dive deep into transformative topics that help you reignite your passion and purpose. My unique approach is designed to help you overcome the fear of external expectations and create the space and time you need for both increased job satisfaction and personal growth. Join me on this journey of self-discovery and empowerment as we explore practical strategies, inspiring stories and actionable insights. Together, we'll navigate the complexities of life and emerge stronger, more confident and truly aligned with our deepest desires. Welcome to the Mom on a Mission podcast, your go-to resource for living a more purposeful and fulfilling life. So grab your taza of coffee and let's talk. Hello, hello and good morning. Welcome back to another episode of the Mommy on a Mission podcast, the podcast that empowers Latina women and all women to reach their impossible goals, one dream at a time. I am your host, mariana, and today I mean we are going to be talking about this one particular subject matter that is, first and foremost, very deep and personal one for me, and it's also a topic that affects so many lives but is often shrouded in silence and shame it's the topic of domestic violence. But before we get started with that topic, let me just say welcome back. We are back here with not only a new episode, but we're back with season six. I cannot even begin to. I'm just in awe y'all that this is season six of the podcast and that we just recently celebrated two years of bringing information to you. There has been so much growth. There has been so much that has been happening behind the scenes. I mean, I've been just busy like no other. I've been meeting some of the most incredible people out there and God is just really opening up doors for mommy on a mission, not for me, but for mommy on a mission mujeres alcanzando metas imposibles. It he's just showing up and showing out y' I mean I just can't even begin to describe the feeling that I have right now because of this. But, as I mentioned, this is season six of the episode and if you didn't notice, you'll notice now. But I'm making the seasons a little bit longer because I want to make sure that we're not rushing into seasons and seasons right. I want to make sure that we're not rushing into seasons and seasons right. I want to make sure that we are getting the information that we need, that we have some breaks, but that when we do break, we're going to break into a longer season, and so I am back here with some great new episodes that are going to be coming down for the rest of this month.

Speaker 1: 3:46

Yes, this is not only Domestic Violence Awareness Month, but it's also the second half of the Hispanic Heritage Month, and I say that this particular topic is personal for me because, one, I am a survivor of domestic violence and, number two, there's still a lot of work that needs to be done, a lot, I think. In the last year I have encountered some really good friends of mine who have endured domestic violence, and let me just begin by saying this that domestic violence is not racist, it does not discriminate, it does not care if you're poor or rich. Domestic violence will attack anybody. Why? Because it's not about how much money you have. It's all has to do with power. So what they do is they find a woman that they can manipulate and groom to eventually begin to power over them. So, again, today's topic is breaking the cycle, empowering survivors of domestic violence, and I believe that through God's love and strength Again, today's topic is Breaking the Cycle Empowering Survivors of Domestic Violence, and I believe that through God's love and strength, we can not only break this cycle but we can also find healing, hope and freedom. So today I'm going to be sharing a part of my own story and we'll explore how we can stand together to support survivors in our communities.

Speaker 1: 5:46

Again, if you've not heard my message about my particular story in my life, I'm going to give you a little bit of a glimpse of that journey, because that's what Mommy on a Mission is all about. Mommy on a Mission was birthed because of this particular thing that happened in my life and a lot of times. A lot of you will know that it's because of what I endured with an ex-husband. But I will say this that prior to that ex-husband, there was an ex-boyfriend that abused me right before I got into the second marriage. So this was between the first marriage and the second marriage. There was a boyfriend in between and there was violence or domestic violence between that. And so I say that because I've witnessed it in my own home, growing up within family, and it's a curse that has been over our family, so it's what we term as generational curses. So let me just say this For a long time I lived under the effects of domestic violence and I felt like so many of you.

Speaker 1: 7:08

I felt so many things loneliness, isolation, guilt, embarrassment and pride pride. I was too prideful to let anyone see what was really happening in my home. Amiga, how have you if I'm speaking to you right now, amiga, and this is you going through this are you going to really tell me that you have been open up and honest about what you've been going through? My guess is no. Why? Because we don't want to share that ugly part of our lives. It's almost like social media. No one wants to show the ugly side of their life.

Speaker 1: 8:07

Every time you see social media, you're always going to see happy moments, and it cracks me up sometimes because it's like you see all of these happy moments and the next thing you know someone got divorced and you're like but wait a minute. Just two weeks ago I just saw them all posing and they were all excited and they were all happy. Wait a minute. Just two weeks ago I just saw them all posing and they were all excited and they were all happy. But the reality is is social media is not always reality. Can you imagine if I would have shown pictures of myself with a black eye, with a bruise or anything like that, how different conversations would be? Because even in person, if anybody were to see that or witness that, most people will turn their heads away because they don't want to get involved.

Speaker 1: 8:52

So I hid my suffering. But in hiding my suffering, I also was protecting my abuser, and on the outside it looked like everything was fine, but inside I was crumbling. What I didn't realize at the time was that by hiding my pain, I was enabling the behavior. It's like I was feeding that very thing that was destroying me. I felt helpless, like no one would understand what I was going through. I believed that I was abandoned, unloved, unwanted, and deep down I started to think that maybe this was my fault, that maybe God was punishing me for my past mistakes. Have you ever felt like that mistakes? Have you ever felt like that that somehow you're responsible for the hurt in your life? Because I know I did.

Speaker 1: 9:52

But I've come to learn that those feelings are lies meant to keep us stuck in the dark and please, if you're listening, no disrespect If you're a Catholic. No disrespect to Catholics, because I grew up as a Catholic and this is where that belief came from. This is why I was feeling the way that I felt, because growing up, I would go to Catholic churches and the very thing that they would say is oh, if you do this, you're going to get punished. God's going to punish you. Diosito te va a castigar. That was something that I heard time and time and time again. That was a way to keep us from doing something wrong, but at the same time, it's almost a tactic that what happens is that it gets you to a point where you don't even want to say that anything is wrong for fear that God is going to punish you. Nevermind that because of someone else, you know, but it's because God's going to punish you that I deserve. Whatever's happening to me right now is because I deserve this.

Speaker 1: 10:54

Something I did in my life because I'm being punished. A life, the hardships, the lies, the manipulation, all of that deep down inside in my core, I was believing that that was a form of punishment. There was something in my core. I was believing that that was a form of punishment. There was something in my life that I did wrong and I tried to think what Lord, what did I do? What God? Why are you punishing me? What did I do in my life?

Speaker 1: 11:23

Later is when I would realize that that was a lie from the enemy, because when you start to understand God's word and you start to understand who God is, who is the God that we serve, then you're going to understand that God is love and he's not here to punish us. This is the reason why he sent his son down here to be the thing that intercedes and dies on the cross for our sins, for the mistakes that we either made, were going to make or are going to make. He paid the price for us. What I was going through had nothing to do with God trying to punish me and had everything to do with the lies that the enemy was feeding me and having me believe having me believe that I was undeserving of anything more or better. I was undeserving of anything more or better.

Speaker 1: 12:45

So there came a moment when I knew that something had to change. I had just been hit again and when I looked up on the stairs, I saw my son he was my second son standing there, eyes wide open. He had just witnessed it all and in that moment, in that very instant, I knew I couldn't stay silent anymore. I have to break the cycle, not only for my son, but for my daughter as well, not just for me, but for him and for my entire family. So I started speaking up. I found a support group, a support system. I reported the abuse. I had the restraining order, I had the protective order. I started recording the incidences. I started to collect all the information. I started to take pictures of the bruises. I started to take anything. I started to collect anything that I could in order to start showing what was happening in my life. I reported everything and finally, finally, I made the hardest decision I ever had to make. I walked away and it was terrifying, but I trusted that God would walk with me every step of the way. I trusted that God would walk with me every step of the way. Taking action, though scary, was necessary to expose the truth.

Speaker 1: 14:47

No-transcript and y'all. If I could just describe and it's hard because there's so many words that I want to use but if I could describe in one word what that looks like to me, what that all feels like it's when you see the dead of the winter and spring starts to appear. You see the new flowers, you see the new births, like the animals being birthed, the trees, all of that, the beauty, the air, everything is crisp. That is what my life was like, and I have been blessed every step of the way. I began to understand that God truly does love me and that he wants more for me. He has blessed me with more children he has, so I have a total of five. He has blessed me with a home. He's blessed me with a beautiful family, a grandson, a wonderful career, this business, this podcast, this ability to be able to show up and speak to you, amiga, to speak to you and tell you that it's going to be up to you to make that choice. You to make that choice, take the next step, to take action for a new life. I would encourage you to first seek God and allow for him to be the very first thing you run to in order for you to start making that transformation. So now let's shift from my story to something even bigger, something we all need to acknowledge.

Speaker 1: 17:08

How often do we as a society turn a blind eye to domestic violence. Maybe because it's uncomfortable to talk about, maybe because we don't want to get involved, but the truth is domestic violence that's all around us. For women of color, including Latina women, the situation is even more alarming. According to statistics, more than one in three Latina women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime. For black women, the numbers are similar One in four will face abuse. These are our sisters, our friends and our neighbors. This isn't just a faraway issue. It's happening in our communities and often it's hidden behind closed doors. And how do I know that? Because I experienced that. And many women of color remain trapped in silence because of cultural expectations, fear of deportation, lack of access to resources or distrust of the legal system.

Speaker 1: 18:33

But there is a way out. There is hope. I've seen it firsthand in the lives of survivors who have found healing and freedom. I've experienced it myself and I believe we all have a responsibility, a collective responsibility, to support and empower those survivors. The Bible tells us in Psalm 34, 18, the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. God's heart is for the oppressed, he is a protector of the vulnerable and Jesus is the ultimate healer. God is calling us to stand against injustice. He is calling us to support those who are broken, those who are hurting and those who are in need. We are called to be his hands and feet in this world. So why do so many of us stay silent?

Speaker 1: 19:47

Well, here's the thing, and let me just say this I know that when I did start talking about the situation that was going on in my life, I started to sound like a broken record, but it sounded more like complaining rather than um a hand for help or crying out for help. It was more like talking about what he was and wasn't doing and the arguments, because I was downplaying the reality. So, even though I was trying to find help, I was not being completely truthful and honest. So, therefore, people got tired and got bored of hearing me complain and complain, and complain. And if that is something you are doing, to me it's almost as if you're testing the waters to see who is going to stick around long enough in order for you to be able to trust and tell them what is happening. And I'm going to tell you this it's never going to be the right time. It's never going to be the right time.

Speaker 1: 21:13

I say that because there were so many times in my life that I would say whenever it's the right time, I will leave, whenever it's the right time, I will move Whenever it's the right time, whenever it's the right time for this, whenever it's the right time for that. And the truth of the matter is there was never a right time and, even though the I'm sorries would happen and occur, I would forgive and things would be okay until the next time, and it was always until the next time. The next time has to stop, the next time has to end. So how can you, how can we help, how can we be the support survivors need? First and foremost, let me just say this you have to educate yourself, learn the signs of domestic violence, because they're not always as obvious as physical bruises.

Speaker 1: 22:22

Domestic violence can be emotional, psychological, it can be financial abuse. It can be all three. It can be financial abuse. It can be all three. Another thing is, sometimes the person that is being abused will hide things. The abuser will also manage to find a way to hit someone in places that are not as obvious to see. I'll give you an example I would get hit in my head or I would get kicked on some part of my body that was not going to be exposed. So I never had bruises on my arm. I didn't have bruises on my face, um, but it was always something that was going to be easily covered my head, so much so that later on in life and oh, and the effects of abuse will happen, can continue to happen even years later.

Speaker 1: 23:37

And I'm not talking about just like PTSD or any of those effects of depression or anxiety. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about, physically, it will surface out. I went into the hospital. I want to say it was maybe three or four years ago. I ended up at the hospital because I had experienced, I had a really bad headache, and so bad that it brought me in tears, and it was by the grace of God that I was able to drive myself to the emergency room. And I'm going to be honest, it was almost like a blur. All I know is that I just got there and it turned out that I had an ischemic aneurysm due to the blows that I had received to my head. I would not know about this until years later.

Speaker 1: 24:44

Physically, there were things that were happening to me, all because of the after effects of the abuse that I had endured. And so I say that to say this amiga, take care of yourself, start to really not just heal yourself mentally, but heal yourself physically. Heal yourself spiritually physically, heal yourself spiritually, allow for God to do a healing in your body completely body, mind and soul a complete transformation of healing. So, as I was saying, how can we support survivors? First, we said we had to educate ourselves right. Secondly, offer a listening ear.

Speaker 1: 25:41

Sometimes all someone needs is a safe space to share their story without fear of judgment or rejection, because, trust me, they already know. They know they don't need someone to come and be like oh well, dang girl, I already told you, didn't I tell you about him? Didn't I tell you a long time ago that he was like this and he was like that? But you didn't want to listen. That is not what they're coming to you for. All they want is for you to just listen. All they want is for you to just listen. If they ask you for advice, then you have the permission to give it, but if they're not asking for advice, then don't give it. But do be prepared to provide resources, say, look, I know you're not asking me for this information and I know that I can't make you do this, but just in case, whenever you are ready and you decide that you want out, here's some information so that you can make that first step. Allow for them to be the one to make that decision, because, of the truth of the matter is, when you give advice, you're responsible Because something is not going to work out or whatever the reason may be and a lot of times they can't they're already feeling judged by the person who's abusing them, and so for you to be another friend or another person that they're trying to come to for support, and you're just throwing out words that are judging them, that is not helping them, so don't turn your back on them. Thirdly, advocate. Advocate for policies, resources and services that support survivors. No-transcript shelters need your help. They need volunteers, they need people to come alongside them and provide the support. We need more people to make and take action, because every action, no matter how small, can make a huge difference.

Speaker 1: 28:22

I want to take a moment to share an important resource that may help you or someone you know on the journey of healing and self-discovery discovery Because of my experience, because of the things that I had endured, I wrote my book Mommy on a Mission, a guide towards healing, self-discovery and walking in confidence. It is available for purchase directly through me because if you purchase directly through me throughout the month of October, I'm offering a special promotion. When you purchase a copy directly from me, you'll receive a signed edition of the book and a percentage of the proceeds will be donated to a local women's shelter in the area. This is more than just a book. It's a guide rooted in my personal journey, offering hope, encouragement and practical steps to break free from the cycles of pain and start walking in confidence and purpose that God has for you. So if you'd like to get a copy, amiga, and support this cause, feel free to reach out through my website at mommyonamissioncom or social media. I will have all of this information in the show notes for you. Um, if you would like to purchase, if you buy it through um, amazon, because there is a link for Amazon in there If you buy it through Amazon, it will not be assigned copy. So if you do want to copy uh directly from me, make sure that you reach out to me by email. Um, go to my website, um, I will have my email in the show notes as well, so look for that Let me know that you want a copy of the book, that you want it signed, and I will send it there and then, like I said, a percentage of the proceeds will go towards a local shelter.

Speaker 1: 30:23

Now imagine what our communities could look like if we stood against domestic violence, if we created networks of support, resources and safety for survivors, if we partnered with shelters and organizations to assist those in need. We have the power to make this vision a reality a world where everyone is free from the cycle of abuse. And, amiga, we Latinas need to fight that cycle of abuse because it is still, to this very day, ingrained that we Latinas need to stand by our men, that we are to be. And they take that context of submissiveness from the Bible out of context, because what they want to say is it allows for the man to control the woman, and that's not what that means. That's not what it's about. And it's not about being abused. It's not about using that to have that way or that excuse to abuse a woman. No, we need to be able to speak up and stand up.

Speaker 1: 31:35

It was in Mexico, when it was that boyfriend of mine that was beating me up, and guess what? My uncle did nothing, but stand there and watch me get beat up in front of him, and you know what his excuse was. Well, I didn't want to get in the way, because you know what, if they you know they make up and then they're together, then I'm going to look like the bad guy. What Are you serious? No, I would have defended, had it been someone that I knew, a sister, whatever. As a matter of fact, I even witnessed him beat up his wife and we were there defending her. So, amigas, we need to, we need to start speaking up. So, amigas, we need to, we need to start speaking up. We need to start breaking that chain, that cycle of abuse within the Latino community.

Speaker 1: 32:48

So I want to leave you with a question today how can we break the silence and stigma surrounding domestic violence in our communities? What can you do to be part of the solution? Maya Angelou once said surviving is important, thriving is elegant. God's desire for us is not just to survive, but to thrive in the freedom and purpose he has for our lives. So I encourage you to take some time to reflect on the questions that I just asked, maybe even write down a commitment, one action you can take to stand against domestic violence and together, amiga, we can make a difference. To stand against domestic violence and together, amiga, we can make a difference. Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of Mommy on a Mission. Remember, through God's love and strength we can break the cycle of domestic violence, we can empower survivors and we can build a future where every mujer is safe, loved and free.

Speaker 1: 33:58

And before we close out, let me pray us out, father God, in the name of Jesus, we just come before you, father, first and foremost, to just give you all the praise and glory. Father God, asking you, father God, for the amiga that is listening today, father God, if she is going through something so similar of domestic violence, if she is getting hit, if she is getting insulted, if she is getting verbally abused, physically abused, emotionally abused, sexually abused, financially abused, father God, whatever abuse she is experiencing, father God, I pray that you will release her from those chains that are keeping her hostage in that place. I pray that you will give her from those chains that are keeping her hostage in that place. I pray that you will give her the strength that she needs, father God, to take action, to make the movement. Father God, for something more and better. Allow for her to see through your eyes, father God, the beauty of who she is. Allow for her to see, father God, that you have more in store for her, father God, than her present situation.

Speaker 1: 35:02

Father God, I pray that you will open up doors of opportunity for her. I pray that you will give her the confidence that she needs, transforming her, father God, into a new creation, father God, a creation that is destined for more. I pray for her. I pray for that mujer, I pray for that amiga, father God. I pray that you would just cup her face into your hand, father God, and that you would just give her a kiss on the forehead and say you are my princess and I want more for you, because, just like our daddies love our little girls and calls them their princesses, that is how you are with us, those men that are truly fathers, that truly care and that truly want more for their daughters. That is who you are, father God. We thank you, jesus. We thank you, father God, that you are allowing us to have the opportunity to speak on platforms such as these.

Speaker 1: 36:12

Father God, continue to give me the strength that you need. Use me, father God, to continue to pour into the lives of the women that you put before me, for the women that are listening, for the women that come for coaching, for the women that just want to purchase my book. I pray that you would just continue to use me to be a tool. I pray that you would just continue to use me to be a tool, another vessel, father God, for them to see your beauty and your glory. We thank you in the name of Jesus.

Speaker 1: 36:47

Amiga, thank you so much for spending this morning with me. I just want to say how thankful I am that you were here with me this morning on this first episode of season six. And as the next few weeks come along, we are going to have another speaker who's going to talk about her experience and her success. We're going to have professionals that are going to come out here and also share their resources. So tune in to another episode next weekend, next Saturday, because remember that through God's love and strength, we can break the cycle Okay, we can empower survivors and we can build a future where every person is safe and loved. So until next time, take care, be blessed and keep walking in confidence and in your God-given purpose.

Speaker 1: 37:45

Hasta el proximo sabado. Thank you for tuning in to the Mommy on a Mission podcast. If you found today's episode inspiring, don't forget to subscribe, leave a review and share it with your amigas. And, before you go, if you're looking to dive deeper into healing self-discovery and walking in confidence, be sure to grab a copy of my book Mommy on a Mission a guide towards healing self-discovery and walking in confidence, available now on Amazon. Stay connected with me on social media. Follow us on Instagram at Mommy on a Mission Podcast and on Facebook at Mommy on a Mission. If you're considering working with a coach but aren't sure if you're ready, send me a DM and I will send you a free gift to help you get started on your journey. Until next Saturday, keep shining and remember the tower is within you. Adios, amigas.