Bay Area Turning Point: Transforming Lives with Support and Understanding

After navigating the turbulent waters of domestic violence, I found hope and resilience on the other side. My journey is a testament to the strength within us all, and I'm honored to share it with you this Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Joining me is Melissa Prentice from Bay Area Turning Point, whose journey from college graduate to a fervent advocate for survivors inspires. Together, we explore the transformative impact of outreach, education, and prevention in the ongoing fight against domestic violence.

We shine a light on the crucial support provided by 24-hour residential facilities, emphasizing their role in empowering survivors through essential services like counseling and safety planning. Melissa and I discuss the often-overlooked issue of economic abuse, sharing strategies to recognize and support those entangled in such situations. By fostering empathy and understanding, we can offer more than just resources—we can restore hope and confidence to those who need it most.

Explore how you can make a difference in your community, whether through volunteering, donating, or participating in events like the Clothesline Project and Savannah Memorial 5K. Learn about my book, "MAMI on a Mission: A Guide Towards Healing, Self-Discovery, and Walking in Confidence," designed to accompany you on your path to empowerment. Let’s build a future free from violence, one story at a time, and remember that the power to change lies within us all.

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For More Information on Bay Area Turning Point:
Get Help – Please use this email address to ask questions about services. For emergency and immediate assistance call the hotline at 281-286-2525
Gethelp@bayareaturningpoint.org

Contact Us – Please use this email address for general inquiries about the agency Contactus@bayareaturningpoint.org

Volunteer – Please use this email to inquire about volunteer opportunities
Volunteer@bayareaturningpoint.org

Human Resources – Please use this email to submit resumes
HR@bayareaturningpoint.org

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Chapters

• 0:03 Empowering Survivors
• 14:07 Preventing Domestic Violence Through Education
• 23:46 Supporting Survivors Through Empathy and Empowerment
• 36:35 Recognizing Signs of Domestic Abuse
• 42:52 Listening and Supporting Domestic Violence Survivors
• 52:42 Get Involved
• 1:00:55 Empowering Self-Discovery and Healing

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

Welcome to Mommy on a Mission podcast. I'm Mariana, your host and the number one bestselling author of Mommy on a Mission a guide towards healing self-discovery and walking in confidence. As a dedicated life coach, wife, mom yaya and, most importantly, daughter of the king, I am passionate about empowering multifaceted women just like you. In each episode, we dive deep into transformative topics that help you reignite your passion and purpose. My unique approach is designed to help you overcome the fear of external expectations and create the space and time you need for both increased job satisfaction and personal growth, and time you need for both increased job satisfaction and personal growth. Join me on this journey of self-discovery and empowerment, as we explore practical strategies, inspiring stories and actionable insights. Together, we will navigate the complexities of life and emerge stronger, more confident and truly aligned with our deepest desires. Welcome to the Mommy on a Mission podcast, your go-to resource for living a more purposeful and fulfilling life. Grab your glass of coffee and vamos a platicar. Hola amiga. And welcome to another episode of the Mommy on a Mission podcast. I'm your host, mariana, and, as you know, this podcast is the podcast that empowers Latina women, and all women, to reach their impossible goals, one dream at a time, and so you know, I cannot believe it's already the middle of October. Like it's crazy how time is just going by so fast. We're already in the middle of October and it's like. But so listen, amigas, before we jump into today's conversation, I want you to grab your, as we say, because we're going to have a really good discussion this morning.

Speaker 1: 2:02

So, as you all know, for the month of October, we've dedicated the series to Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and this cause is very personal to me because I am a survivor of domestic violence and I know firsthand how challenging and painful it can be, but I also know the strength and healing that is possible on the other side. My mission is to provide support, education and the platform for women to know that they are not alone and that there are resources to help them break free. So, as we start today, I want to share a verse, because I am a Christian first and foremost. I want to start with a verse that has brought me strength on my own journey, and that verse comes from Psalms 34, 18. That says, as we start today, I want to I'm sorry. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit, and this what this scripture does for me. It reminds us that even in our darkest moments, god is near, offering us his comfort and his guidance, and so, with that being said, I am honored today to have an incredible guest with us today Melissa Prentice from Bay Area Turning Point, and this is an organization that is making tremendous and amazing things, impacting and helping survivors rebuild their lives.

Speaker 1: 3:31

Melissa holds a bachelor's of science degree in legal studies from the University of Houston, clear Lake. She joined Bay Area Turning Point in 2010 as a child care provider and has since contributed across various departments, including children's services, compliance and advocacy. It was an outreach, education and prevention where she truly discovered her passion. Melissa Taylor seminars to meet the needs of diverse participants and engages with communities to foster environments free from violence. She also actively serves on several important initiatives, such as the Survivor Advisory Board of the Texas Association Against Sexual Assault.

Speaker 1: 4:14

And Melissa, thank you so much. Thank you so much for being here. I know, like we were just talking a little bit earlier, that it was just a crazy thing how our schedules were just like bouncing around, but I thank you so much for your flexibility and just for being patient with me and trying to get this conversation going. But before we dive into the incredible work that you're doing at Bay Area Turning Point, can you tell us a little bit about what led you to this line of work and what keeps you passionate about it? You know, because I know, that has to be hard, especially when you're working around all those stories.

Speaker 2: 4:53

Well, my journey into this work is not as exciting as you would think it would be. I was fresh out of college and looking for a job. I was actually a substitute teacher with Friendswood ISD and I was looking for something a little bit more full time and I got a call saying hey, there's this child care position open and a legal advocate position open at this place called Bay Area Turning Point. And I had actually heard of Bay Area Turning Point at college. We were doing something where the proceeds were going to be of Bay Area Turning Point. At college we were doing something where the proceeds were going to be benefiting Bay Area Turning Point, but I didn't really know a whole lot about Bay Area.

Speaker 2: 5:31

Turning Point. But I was like, oh yeah, we raised money for them, cool, I'll apply.

Speaker 2: 5:37

And since I didn't really have experience at that time, I ended up getting the childcare position, not the legal advocate position, but I did end up working my way up to being a legal advocate. Part of being a legal advocate, though, was the prevention piece, which is where I am now. It used to be only prevention, now it's outreach, education and prevention, but this is where I really found my passion in the work. This is where I really decided to come out and start talking about my own previous victimizations of domestic violence and sexual assault, and, as a survivor, you know it was triggering for a while. You know it. It, it was triggering for a while.

Speaker 2: 6:28

Um, it was very difficult to listen to client stories, but then, as I started um, I guess kind of talking about my own story um, I realized that this is where I'm supposed to be. Um, this is exactly where I'm supposed to be. You know, I wanted to go into law. I wanted to be the one to put violent perpetrators behind bars, yeah, and then eventually, like, start helping pass laws that protect people. I didn't get to the part where I get to put people behind bars, but I did get to the point where I do get to help make that legislation, and I do have influence over that legislation, as a leader in the movement, but also as a survivor. And so, you know, I started, like I said, as a child care provider and now I am the director over the Outreach, education and Prevention Program and just very excited about where we're going with this program. Again, this is, this is where this is exactly where I felt like I was supposed to be.

Speaker 1: 7:28

Yeah, so tell us a little bit more about Bay Area Turning Point and your role within the organization. What are the core services and resources that BATP provides to survivors of domestic violence?

Speaker 2: 7:43

Yeah, absolutely. So I'll go through the services and then kind of jump into what I do, because I just totally geek out over it. So we'll lose sight of all the other services if I start with mine. Okay, first and foremost, we have a 24-hour hotline. It is operated 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year, because domestic violence and sexual assault don't sleep right, so we have to make sure that we are available at all times. Everybody that answers the hotline is very highly trained. They're highly trained in crisis intervention, determining whether the case is high risk and whether we need to involve other people, and then we make sure that we are safety planning with everybody and providing information. We're providing other resources, especially if it's a service that they need that we can't provide, like if they need an attorney. We don't have an attorney, so but we are going to get them connected with an attorney. So we do a lot of things through that hotline. The hotline is also the segue to any service that we offer.

Speaker 2: 8:50

Another service that is also 24 hours is our 24 hour accompaniments. So if somebody has been through domestic violence or sexual assault and they decide to go to the police station and file a report at two o'clock in the morning or they're in the hospital at two o'clock in the morning. We have an advocate on call 24 hours that can meet them there. Of course, it's not every hospital that we're able to go to, it's mainly the ones here in the Clear Lake Webster area, but we do have advocates that you know. Like I said, if somebody's in the hospital at two o'clock in the morning, guess what? The advocate on call is getting a phone call two o'clock in the morning and they're going to get up and they're going to go. Be there for that survivor, yeah because, I mean it's terrifying.

Speaker 2: 9:35

It's terrifying not only going through it, but now you're in the hospital, now you're going through this exam. That's incredibly invasive. So you need that support and so we're there to provide that. We do have victim advocates on staff. They work with our a lot with our non-residential population, but they also work with our shelter clients. That's. A common misconception is that we only have a shelter and that's not necessarily so. People do not have to be in the shelter in order to receive services through us. So the advocates yeah, the advocates will educate them on their rights. The advocates will help them with protective orders from start to finish in that process. If they have a court case, the advocates will accompany them to court as that support system and make sure that their rights are being respected and that they just have a support there, because, again, that can be incredibly terrifying for survivors. The victim advocates will also help them with crime victims compensation, which is a fund through the state, through the Office of the Attorney attorney general, that can cover expenses incurred due to a crime that has happened.

Speaker 2: 10:48

In order for us to be able to help, it does need to be domestic violence or sexual violence, something along those lines, but we do assist them with that, with other services that they could be eligible for, other benefits that they could be eligible for. And then we also refer to other programs in the agency. Another one of those programs is counseling. We do provide individual and group support, and we do. We work with adults and children, so a lot of times children are witnessing what's going on and so they are needing that therapy as well. And then sometimes family members are witnessing what's going on or they're impacted by what's going on and they're suffering that vicarious trauma and they need the counseling as well. So we provide that for them. We do have a housing department, so if people are in need of rental assistance, that's something that we can help with. They can apply for it either coming out of the shelter or without being in the shelter. Okay, yeah, so that's a really that's a good one.

Speaker 1: 11:53

Yes, that's a lot of resources, and so you touched on the victim's compensation. Do they have to apply, like? Do they have to apply? Do they have to go to the police department first and then they have, I guess, a case and then they can apply for services? And does that help? Let's say they want to relocate. Does it help with that too?

Speaker 2: 12:15

Yes, for CBC in particular, they do have to be cooperative with police. They do have to file a report because that's one of the things that has to be submitted with the crime victims compensation. I believe there are it's in the works where they're trying to, in certain circumstances, not require that cooperation with law enforcement, because sometimes that can make the situation worse or sometimes people are scared to report to law enforcement. But as of as it stands right now, yes, they do need to report to law enforcement to be eligible for crime victims compensation.

Speaker 1: 12:59

And is there a statute of limits, Like is there a timeframe before they can actually apply for that? Because I know that I think some states, in order for them to benefit from crime victims compensation, I think they have up to 30 days or 90 days or maybe even six months in order to qualify. Do you know?

Speaker 2: 13:22

It has been a while since I've done direct services, so that's something that I'm going to have to look up, because I don't remember exactly how long after the victimization they can apply.

Speaker 1: 13:34

Okay, and so again. So tell me a little bit about your role within the organization.

Speaker 2: 13:40

Okay, I can do that Before I jump into that, though I didn't get to the shelter part of it, oh go ahead, go ahead, sorry Sorry.

Speaker 2: 13:47

Which is like the main thing that people know us for. So the shelter is a domestic violence, sexual assault shelter. A lot of people think it's a women's shelter. That's not the case. We accept men as well, so if a man has been through domestic violence or sexual assault, they are also accepted into the shelter. So the services that they provide there? Of course it is a 24-hour residential facility. They have their own rooms. We have food services, so they are provided three nutritionist meals a day, three snacks a day, and we also have case managers who work with them on a regular basis to set goals and to help them get connected with other resources in order to get back on their feet.

Speaker 2: 14:32

And then one of my favorite services, which we've kind of touched on, is the on-site child care that we have. That is a huge expense for people that aren't in a shelter, so it really helps. Whenever somebody has escaped this situation, they have no money on them. Um, how are they going to afford childcare? Well, in this case, you don't have to because we have the childcare. So, um, that is just a very brief overview of the shelter. We can fit up to 72 individuals in the shelter.

Speaker 1: 15:04

Okay, yeah.

Speaker 2: 15:06

And I mean within, like compared to some of the other shelters. You know that's kind of average Houston Area Women's Center by far is way bigger than us.

Speaker 1: 15:17

Oh yeah, absolutely, absolutely.

Speaker 2: 15:20

But you know, the sad part is in Harris County you only have 330 beds for domestic violence victims, which is terrible because you have thousands of people that are needing the assistance. But so that's kind of a brief overview of the shelter. But on to outreach, education and prevention. So there are a lot of moving pieces with what I do in this department, what my team does. For the outreach piece, this looks like going out to fairs, things along those lines we have. We have one of our staff going to a resource fair tonight.

Speaker 2: 15:57

So we really try to get ourselves out in the community so people know what services we have available and we are going to refer them to our hotline to receive services if they need it. Of course they're going to call me if they're interested in educational opportunities or prevention opportunities, and then we just kind of filter people to the person that they need to go to, depending on what they're interested in. So if they're interested in volunteering, we will get them connected with our volunteer services If they're interested in. So if they're interested in volunteering, we will get them connected with our volunteer services. If they're interested in donating or fundraising, we get them connected with our development department. So really, though it's just making sure that people know we're here, because I know. Whenever I was going through this, I didn't know about my air turning point. I didn't know that, any, I didn't know about any of these places.

Speaker 1: 16:44

I didn't know about the bridge, I didn't know about Houston. I didn't know about any of these places. I didn't know about the bridge by Houston Area Women's Center. I didn't know the Wilson Crisis Center. Yeah, None of these places.

Speaker 2: 16:56

Yeah, absolutely, and I lived in Galveston. I didn't know about any of these places. I did not know that there were services available for what I was going through, and I do not remember receiving any kind of education on healthy relationships whenever I was in school, so I didn't even realize that what I was going through was even abuse.

Speaker 1: 17:10

And then y'all, even in y'all's outreach, y'all even go into the schools too, right?

Speaker 2: 17:16

And so that is more of the educational part. So through the outreach we really get connected with these educational opportunities. So we'll go into the schools and we will talk to the students about healthy relationships, about teen dating violence, about consent, and I'm teaching children as young as elementary school and of course, in elementary school I'm not going in and talking about sexual violence, but we are talking about healthy relationships really in regards to friendships at that point. But that's one thing that I'm really proud of with this agency, with this department, is we are going to customize our presentations to the audience that we're presenting to.

Speaker 2: 18:01

So obviously the way I'm talking to you right now is not how I'm going to talk to the fourth and fifth grader right, absolutely yes, and I mean you've heard me talk to high school students, so I mean we tailor that to whoever our audience is. But we also do professional training. So we just had one today, this morning, our community partner breakfast, which was a huge success. We actually had the prevention director from Texas Council on Family Violence and the research and evaluation director from the Center on Violence Prevention come and speak to us today. So, yeah, we do professional trainings, we do public trainings, community trainings, anything, and again, we customize those presentations. We want to make sure that we are meeting the needs of the communities or the groups that we are presenting to. So, yeah, we do schools, we do all the things and we present on almost anything domestic violence, sexual assault related. We're involved with a driving school with several locations where we do human trafficking education with their students.

Speaker 2: 19:11

Yeah, so we do so much of that. And then, with the education, what we're hoping to do is go more into the prevention part of things, which is we're moving more to a community-based type of prevention. We're taking the community approaches, but prevention primary prevention, which is what we're really working on is really trying to stop a problem before it becomes a problem. So we really are trying to work with young people whenever we're talking about primary prevention, because you know and this was discussed in our training today this is what I tell people all the time we are not going to see the end of domestic violence and sexual assault in our lifetime. No, but yeah, but the kids that are growing up right now, if they start receiving that education at a very young age, they start learning about healthy relationships, they learn what's healthy, what's not, they start holding their peers accountable for unhealthy behaviors. Their generation might see it, or at least a reduction, a massive reduction, right, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2: 20:23

So that's really what we're trying to do with the primary prevention. And then there's different levels of prevention. You have your secondary prevention, which is that immediate kind of intervention where you're trying to make sure that it doesn't happen again. And then you have your tertiary prevention, which is really that long-term care that somebody needs, like the long-term therapy that somebody might need, and again, that is to eliminate the risk of violence happening again. So with the tertiary and secondary, violence has already happened to the person With primary. It hasn't happened yet and we're trying to make sure it doesn't happen?

Speaker 1: 21:02

Yeah, absolutely Wow, that's. I didn't really all the things that you know y'all are doing. I mean, I knew parts of it, but just hearing of all of the service like that, that's mind blowing to me, all of the things that you're you're doing out there, and so, like I said, for me personally, I'm very passionate because I am also a survivor and, like you mentioned, I didn't have any of those resources when I was going through it 30 years ago. I didn't, I didn't have any of those. You know, I didn't know anything about them, even as a teen, because I come from the. I come from a family. My dad was my first abuser. You know he physically abused me first and then it just kind of carried into adulthood where it was more familiarity. Are you breaking? Okay, there you are, and uh.

Speaker 2: 21:53

I don't know if one of us froze up there.

Speaker 1: 21:57

And uh.

Speaker 1: 21:58

So that was like familiarity which is at the root, because a lot of times again, we think what goes on in our family household is normal, and so grow up thinking that, oh well, this is just how it is, or I've always lived like this, or my dad was like this with my mom, or whatever.

Speaker 1: 22:17

And so there was back when I was in school, there was no education about that, you know at all. But and so, with that being said, I know that when I was going through it there, I didn't know about these resources. I didn't even know where to begin. So, for someone who might be hesitant to reach out for help okay, because, like you said a lot of times, we don't want to reach out for help I know for myself anytime that I would try to call the police the manipulation of oh, you're going to call the police and they're going to come arrest me in front of the kids, or whatever. And so, or maybe we have pets and we don't want to leave our pets, or whatever. So, for someone who might be hesitant to reach out, what steps does your organization take to ensure they feel safe, they feel supported when they contact you?

Speaker 2: 23:07

The first thing we say, before we allow them to share anything, is we give them our confidentiality disclosure, which is basically anything you tell us is completely confidential.

Speaker 2: 23:20

And then we tell them what the exceptions are. If they tell us that there's been abuse to a child, an elderly person or disabled person, yes, we do have to report that to the proper authorities, usually the Department of Family Protective Services. You know, whenever you've been through something where you've kind of lost trust in everybody, it can be very difficult to trust somebody saying, you know just a line like that Um, I try to get people to be genuine whenever they're telling people that um, not not, not that robotic type like okay, anything you reveal to me is going to be held confidential. You know like it sounds very robotic. You know, be genuine about it. Like let them know I'm truly not going to reveal any of your information unless you disclose this.

Speaker 1: 24:23

In that case.

Speaker 2: 24:24

yeah, I try to explain it to them if I'm on the hotline. Like by law and also because it's the right thing to do, we're not going to say anything about anything you tell us. We're not going to tell anybody that you've called us. You know, we want to make sure that they understand like we truly are not only bound by law but also by ethical behavior, morals. We're not going to share their information with people.

Speaker 1: 24:55

And I think that's too, because I think there's like a misconception also, or a fear, especially for those that are undocumented, like they don't want to say anything because they fear that they're going to get deported or they feel that y'all are going to report them to the, you know, to immigration or whatever, and that's not even the case. And so there's more of no we're here for you. Yes, we're going to get you connected to the resources so that you can become documented. No, we're not going to report you, and I think that's a fear that they have when it comes to that. So I'm glad to know that there is that that you're telling the residential advocates hey, let's be.

Speaker 1: 25:42

You know, be honest, be authentic. You know compassion and the empathy for those that are coming in, because you're right. I mean the last thing. I know that for me, you tell me that I felt like another number, I felt like another statistic. You tell me that I felt like another number, I felt like another statistic. I felt like I was just someone else just coming in, and I think that needed to change, because I have been, I've had to witness that part also at some point in my life.

Speaker 2: 26:10

Yeah, and what we're really working on is really giving that trauma informed care training to staff, Like really, yes, we understand that this work is very difficult and you can burn out very quickly and you know, you start getting that compassion fatigue, you start feeling that vicarious trauma, but it's important that we're taking care of ourselves so we're not projecting that onto clients and we're not making them feel like they're a burden or they're just another number because, they are human beings, they are a person, they are going through something traumatic, and so we need to treat them as such, and so we're really, really focusing in on that trauma, informed care and I feel like I feel like trauma-informed and empathy have both become buzzwords.

Speaker 2: 27:03

I'm just like but do y'all truly know what it?

Speaker 1: 27:06

means Right, unless you've actually gone through it, you know.

Speaker 2: 27:09

Yeah, and so we do an activity during some of our trainings to really try to get people to understand empathy, and I usually, whenever I do this activity, somebody is in tears. I don't mean to do it but we really need them to understand, like this is what we're doing to people in actual crisis, right? So I mean, I'm sorry that you know you got upset by this, but this is a simulation, this is an activity. This is real life for the people that are calling us.

Speaker 1: 27:45

And it's scary for someone to call. They're already nervous, they're already, you know, feeling a certain kind of way. So, yeah, having someone to be inviting, warm and inviting and saying, listen, I'm here to support you, I'm here to come alongside you and offer you the support that you need. And I know that you don't know me, I know that I'm not going through what you're going through right now, but I want you to know that I care and I want to acknowledge that. Yes, I know it's hard for you. You know, I can only imagine that it's hard, especially if you've never experienced that before.

Speaker 1: 28:20

So I think it's very good for those to hear that you know, and so that they can kind of start coming out of their shell, so to speak, in order to be able to speak up. And so, with that, you know, going into this, so domestic violence, going into this, so domestic violence. We know it can affect individuals in many different ways, both physically, emotionally, even those that are working with the survivors. What are some key resources or programs Bay Area offers or Bay Area Turning Point offers to help survivors rebuild their lives?

Speaker 2: 29:08

So that's really where the counseling comes in. Whenever I was an advocate, that was one of the main things that I would recommend, because people would come in and they're confused. There's so much going on, they're in crisis and they don't know if they want to leave or not. You know because I worked with clients outside of the shelter, but you know it was so. It was just so jumbled in their minds and the first thing I would recommend is maybe try counseling and maybe they can help you process through some of these thoughts that you're having and then that will assist you in making a decision eventually. Like, if you can clear some of that clutter out of your mind, then that may help you make the decision on what you want to do.

Speaker 2: 29:56

Right, planning for safety. You know that's whenever it comes to safety planning. You know, of course, we want to focus on physical safety, but safety planning should be comprehensive. We should be planning for emotional safety. We should be planning for present and future safety. We should be planning for all and future safety. We should be planning for all aspects of safety.

Speaker 2: 30:20

Right, you know what are some coping mechanisms that you've used in the past? What are some self-care routines that you have how do you recognize whenever you're feeling certain kinds of feelings? But some of the other resources we do, like I said, we offer that housing assistance and so one of the things and we were talking about this a lot today in that training but one of the biggest, a very big risk factor for violence is economic insecurity and unstable housing. So if they have that sense of that economic security and that stable, affordable housing, that can really help things out a lot. Yeah, I mean again, and we just our advocates while they are there to connect with other resources and to help them through, really what we're doing is we're helping them come up with a plan and we're empowering them to make their own decisions.

Speaker 1: 31:25

Yes, yes, yes, yeah, because it has to come from them. Yeah, it has to come, it has to be something that they develop, because it's more they, it's a more buy-in, because they're the ones doing the work and not us telling, or not you telling them, hey, you've got to do this and you've got to do that. And I see that a lot, especially in my line of work too, that if I tell them what to do, they don't do it, because no one wants to be told what to do. No adult wants to be told, not even children. They don't want to be told what to do. But if you provide them the tools, the support, the guidance to say, okay, you tell me what you want, you need to get there, and how can I support you for that to happen? And when they are like, wow, you're allowing me to think this out, you know, and that's empowering them to start thinking and reflecting and making decisions and taking action.

Speaker 2: 32:28

Yeah Well, and you know, that's where we come in to help them with that, because in these relationships that they're in, they're not allowed to make decisions, there is no equal decision-making power, and so essentially, some people don't know how to make those decisions because they've never been allowed to. They don't know how to set boundaries because they've never been allowed to, and so our advocates really, I mean and that's everybody, everybody in this agency is an advocate, whether that's in their title or not, but everybody that works with survivors should be able to help them understand decision making and help them understand boundaries.

Speaker 2: 33:09

Sometimes that comes from modeling our own boundaries, Right, I mean, that's the best teacher of it. I always tell the story about how my now five-year-old niece whenever she was three. So her mother is obsessed with Disney and so obviously she is obsessed with Disney. What always happens in Disney movies there's a princess who ends up kissing the prince at the end.

Speaker 2: 33:34

Well my niece. Uh, like, of course she's seeing this right at three years old. And one day the whole family's out to lunch and she goes to my dad and she goes, papa give me kiss. And so he looks down and he thinks that she's just going to give him a little peck. She opens her mouth and plants her mouth on three-year-old Anyway. So that kind of took my dad by surprise.

Speaker 2: 34:02

And then she turns to her own dad and says daddy, give me a kiss. He goes okay, you can give me a kiss. And she leans in and he turned his head real quick Whenever she got close. She goes no daddy on the mouth. And he said no, ma'am, that is not appropriate. So essentially he taught her that boundary. Now, I don't think anybody was really expecting what she did to Papa, but teaching her by not allowing her to do that to him.

Speaker 1: 34:31

Yes, and she hasn't done it since.

Speaker 1: 34:34

Because you're not and I look at it this way too. That's just a way and it's going to relate to what we're talking about. But it's coming to them and not making them feel judged, not making them feel bad for whatever decision they made. It's letting them know that, hey, you're creating these boundaries. We're not here to judge you, we're not here to make you feel a certain kind of way, because you've already been going through a lot of that already. We're here to just let you know that that's not what you need. That's not for you. You need to create something that's going to keep you safe. And I always tell people, when I have my clients, when I work with clients, and I tell them you know, boundaries are not set for other people, it's set for you. The boundaries are for your protection. The boundaries I'm not saying build a wall, what I'm saying is I am not going to allow you to call me out of my name.

Speaker 1: 35:35

And if you are going to call me out of my name, then we don't have to have this conversation anymore. We don't need to have to have this discussion and now you can walk away because you're choosing to protect you in that aspect. And one of the other things that you mentioned too, especially with the economics, is that most people feel that when they hear the word abuse, they relate it to the physical, the sexual, and now it's more becoming the emotional. But they don't realize that there's also financial abuse. And how does Bay Area Turning Point? Because initially, with financial abuse, there is some other physical abuse that's going on. But to get the client to understand that, while you're not only being physically, you're being financially abused because this person has control of the finances so that you don't leave them.

Speaker 2: 36:32

Yeah, yeah. So we. I like to refer people to the power and control wheel, which you can very easily Google. That really helps you understand the power dynamics that abusers will use. And if you look at the statistics, you're seeing economic abuse happen in almost every single abusive situation. I believe I believe it's about ninety nine percent of abusive situation. I believe it's about 99% of abusive situations. You're also seeing that economic abuse. And so if the abuser's withholding funds like if they only give you an allowance but you're only allowed to buy what they tell you you're allowed to buy, if they take your paycheck and claim, oh, it's family money, but then they go blow it on something, and we've seen that happen so many times.

Speaker 2: 37:20

You know, whenever I first started I'll never forget this there was a woman that called. We stopped asking this question on the hotline, but we used to ask the question and it was mainly for statistical purposes. It wasn't going to affect them getting into the shelter or anything like that, but we would ask what their annual income was. And one I'll never forget this hotline call. She said she made about a hundred thousand dollars a year. And now in my mind you know, because I was I was a baby advocate at this time. I didn't understand everything yet. I'm just like you make a hundred thousand dollars a year and you need a shelter. What I didn't understand economic abuse at that time.

Speaker 2: 38:03

I'm just like you can afford to move out and go get your own place. But you know, then I like and this is why I never forget it, because, as time has gone on, I'm like that's why she needed shelter. It wasn't because of the finances, necessarily it was, but it wasn't because the abuser was taking the money but she wasn't safe. Yeah, like she had to get to a place where he was not going to find her. That's why she was seeking out shelter and he was also trying to take the money, so like that was. That was a huge learning experience for me, because I'm just like I mean, that's why you come into a shelter. I did not understand economic abuse.

Speaker 1: 38:46

Yeah, yeah, I mean, and it's real, I know firsthand. I, because my, my abuser was also a drug addict. So I remember having to hide my debit card. I had to hide money, I had to hide checks because because of him uh, hot checks I would write checks to pay the bills and there'd be no money and I'd have checks bouncing back and like I would have, and it was like, oh my God. So and in your mind you're thinking I'm never going to get out of this because he's always going to get ahold of my money or he's always he's going to one up me on that aspect. And so I learned that it wasn't just physical abuse that I was experiencing. And I know that with abuse, it's going to encompass all of it, not just one specific thing. Right, it's going to encompass all of that. And so, in your experience, what are some signs that a person might be in an abusive situation, and how can loved ones approach, helping them without putting them at a further risk?

Speaker 2: 39:53

I am really glad that you asked this question, and this is something that we've been discussing all month. I've been on a couple of podcasts or discussions this month, and this typically does come up. If you notice that they're not communicating with you as much, if you notice that they're even maybe kind of getting a little nasty towards you, their abusers probably manipulated them into thinking some type of way, right? Because abusers are very manipulative, and so they will isolate their victims from any kind of support system, isolate their victims from any kind of support system, and they oftentimes do it very subtly too. They will gaslight them, they will brainwash somebody and manipulate them into thinking that their support system is bad people for them, right? So that's a big one If you notice that they're a little bit more withdrawn. If people are constantly staring at their phone Now, sometimes that's just, people are addicted to their phones but if there's like a look of panic, you know, like if they are constantly like checking to see if their abusers texted them, and then the second they do they're texting right back because they know what's going to happen, and then the second they do they're texting right back because they know what's going to happen If they don't, then that could be a sign.

Speaker 2: 41:20

If they're making excuses for the abuser or excuses for not coming around as much, that could be something to look at. Now, if any of my friends are watching this, I swear it really is work, which is why I haven't been coming around. This is our busiest month of the year. People keep telling me hey, come to dinner, come to lunch. I'm like I'm working. I'm either working or I'm tired from work, I promise, but if somebody is in a relationship, then that could be a sign. If now, all of a sudden, they are making excuses as to why they cannot see, why they can't come talk to you, why they can't do certain things, a pretty clear sign would be if they're wearing kind of weather inappropriate clothing. I guess you could say I'm kind of making up words at this point.

Speaker 2: 42:13

Like if they're wearing a sweater in 80 degree weather, I mean we're in Texas. If they're wearing a turtleneck in September there, that might be a reason to question what's going on, because they may be trying to hide bruises or if you notice that they're wearing a lot more makeup than usual.

Speaker 2: 42:33

They could be trying to hide bruises. Um, the withdrawing and the isolating could also be because could be trying to hide bruises. The withdrawing and the isolating could also be because they are trying to hide physical markings, and then, clearly, the most obvious sign would be to see physical markings on somebody. I feel like I have to explain this every single time. I'm like showing my arms because I am like such a klutz. I'm not in a relationship with anybody, so I mean, it's not abuse, but I am a klutz and I have burn marks on my arms. Oh my God, my flat iron are from a pan that I pulled out of the oven and it went back onto my arm. And I have to explain that to people, cause I'm like how is this going to look? I work for a domestic violence agency. I have all these scars on my arms.

Speaker 1: 43:26

Well, here's the funny thing too, cause I can relate my husband's law enforcement Right, and so I. I'm, I've been anemic my life and any little hit, anything, I'll get a bruise. And he's like how did you get that bruise? And I'm like I don't even know how I got this. I've done something to you and I haven't. I was like I know you haven't, but and I was like so I get it. I get it completely. I get that concept completely. But you know what? I have noticed? That more and more teenagers. It was hot as heck and they're wearing long sleeves.

Speaker 2: 44:05

Yeah, so that makes it a little difficult. Yes, so that's like hoodies, I'm like it's hot.

Speaker 1: 44:14

I'm going through hot flashes right now because I'm, and you know, hot flashes are real, so I'm like I am not trying to wear more clothes than I need to.

Speaker 2: 44:25

Yeah, Like this dress that I'm wearing today. Like I wore a jacket out of the house this morning and it pretty much immediately came off. And as I was setting up for this event, one of the Webster PD officers came in because she wanted to put some stuff out on the tables and she's like how are you not freezing to?

Speaker 1: 44:44

death and I'm just like hat flashes. We were talking about that. I was like, oh my God, it's, it's, oh, it sucks, getting older. But listen, I know that October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and it's one of the months that, like I said, this is why I do what I do for the podcast of introducing these things. What can we, as individuals and communities, do to better support survivors and help prevent domestic violence? What can we do?

Speaker 2: 45:15

Yes.

Speaker 2: 45:15

And I yeah, that was what we were getting to, and then we kind of got off on the little tangent. So, yeah, one of the biggest things that I like to tell people is don't put limits on your support, especially if you know somebody going through it. Um, don't put limitations on your support. And one of the questions that came about in another discussion that I was part of is you know, I've been trying to help my friend out. I've been telling like now I'm getting tired and I don't know like if I should, um, basically break ties or step out of it because I'm tired telling this person to leave and they're not leaving. What I tell people? You got to understand that there's a reason why they're not leaving and what a lot of people need to understand that sometimes telling somebody to leave is extremely dangerous because that's whenever the abuse escalates.

Speaker 2: 46:13

If you look at the stats, 2023 numbers just came out from Texas Council on Family Violence. They have a report called Honoring Texas Victims. You can find it on their website, tcfeorg, but it talks about all the intimate partner homicides that occurred the year prior. Over half 92 individuals had separated from the abuse had separated from their partner. Um 92 of the individuals out of 205 were killed after they had separated Um. About 52% were taking steps to try to end the abuse 52%, sorry.

Speaker 2: 46:55

So sometimes telling somebody to just leave is incredibly dangerous information. So I think it's important. That's where we have to step into that empathy part and try to understand why. Because they may not be leaving, because they don't have the resources to leave yet, they don't have a plan in place, and so the best thing you can do is refer them to professional organizations that can help them plan for that safety to leave. Because that's something that we do. That's something that all the domestic violence organizations do. We all do extensive safety planning. We will come up with an extensive plan to make sure that they are able to get out safely if that is what they want to do. We all do extensive safety planning. We will come up with an extensive plan to make sure that they are able to get out safely if that is what they want to do. But really, what we need to do is listen. I think, like most of us, are fixers, especially women I mean not to call out all the girls- here, but we are fixers.

Speaker 2: 47:54

We want to fix everything and you know, if I'm reaching out to you and I'm saying, hey, I'm going through this really difficult thing, I don't want your advice, I want you to listen to me.

Speaker 2: 48:10

And that's what we all have to understand. Sometimes your advice is not the correct advice. Sometimes I don't want the advice. I just want you to listen and I try to explain this to those close to me. And you know, I've gotten to a point with some people. I'm like I can't even tell them whenever I'm going through something, because the first thing they do is, well, did you do this, Did you do this, Do this, do this, do that? I'm like no, that's not, that's no, that's not what we're doing here. I just want you to listen. So we have to go in from a place of non-judgment, we have to leave our biases at the door and we have to just listen, not not think of our response. We have to actively listen and then ask them what they need from us. If they want the advice, give it. But the best advice you can give to somebody that's in a situation of domestic violence is the resource to a crisis center Crisis center?

Speaker 1: 49:08

yes, absolutely, and I get what you're saying about the advice thing. One of the things that I learned throughout my life working in the nonprofit world is we learn, especially when you're a case manager, when you're a coach. One of the things that we're taught and trained to do is never to give advice. Because you give someone advice, guess what? They're going to come back to you and it's going to fall back on you for giving them that advice because it didn't work.

Speaker 1: 49:35

And so even with someone and I remember hearing this like, well, why don't you just leave? I hated that question so much because I was like you just don't understand, I can't just leave, like I can't I've got. And then for those that have children like I have small kids and it's like it's not as easy of, oh, let me just get up and go. You know, like up in a relationship it's not that easy. There's so much that goes along with it. And I used to get so mad when they would ask me that question and they was like well, I don't understand why you just don't leave. You know, just, I would just grab this. I'm like okay, so it's like no, you don't understand.

Speaker 2: 50:11

There's a reason you don't understand.

Speaker 1: 50:13

Right, you know, yeah, exactly, and so it used to just drive me crazy when I would hear that you know all of the time, and I was like you know, unless you're walking in my shoes, you just won't understand. Because it's like I say, you're in a position where your mind is clear and you are thinking logically, because you're not going through that, you don't have the stress, you don't have that worry, but when you're going through that, our mind is all over the place. It's not like we're not thinking about how to leave, it's just what can I do to better, to prepare and and I don't even know where to start. You know, and so, like you said, it is, if you're going to give any advice, give them that advice. So, for all of you that are listening to this podcast, you know, that's great. That's great advice. To have you know is to be able to reach out, get familiarized with what shelters are in your area in order to be able to give that.

Speaker 1: 51:18

I always tell people always have some resources. Like, I love networking. I love it because my mind is like a file cabinet. I hear things and I may have forgotten it in that moment, but when I come across something and somebody's oh wait, my mind's like like this oh yeah, I know this agency or this organization and I give it because that's not my area of expertise. Let me give that to you and let's see what happens. You know, yeah, and then a lot of times that, but I always say have some resources in the back of your mind, always. Well, lastly, melissa, for those listening and who might want to get involved or support a Bay Area Turning Point work, what are some ways they can contribute to the mission?

Speaker 2: 52:03

Um, there's several different ways that you can contribute to the mission. Um and I know people hear this from pretty much all nonprofits anything that's going on. But dollars go a very, very long way. Um, especially with nonprofits like we are currently grant funded. Some of the grantors, um, some of those funds have decreased, and so if we are going to continue to operate, if we are going to continue to expand the way that we would like to what's in our future plans, we have to have the dollars. So donating is definitely a way to get involved. You can very easily find on our website where to do that. It's wwwbayareaturningpointorg and there are tabs where you can go donate. We also have our needs list, which is updated every month. We take inventory every month and people can donate. I mean you can order off of Amazon and have it delivered straight to us. That way, you don't have to do all the traveling back and forth trying to bring us stuff. Unless you just want to come to see us, we would definitely love to come see you and we would definitely love to take a picture with you and post it on our social media as a thank you.

Speaker 2: 53:22

Get involved with our events that are going on. We've gone through a lot of our events so far this month but right now we still have our Clothesline Project displayed at Freeman Library in Clear Lake, at Helen Hall Library in Lake City and Evelyn Mater Library in Seabrook. That is a very powerful display. If anybody's familiar with the clothesline project, basically survivors will decorate it not well, not decorate, kind of decorate a t-shirt, but they they each color t-shirt represents a different kind of abuse that somebody has gone through and the survivors that are doing the shirts will basically use art to release their feelings and their emotions about the abuse. And sometimes it's, sometimes it's very positive and uplifting, sometimes it is very down, dirty and raw, um, but it's a very powerful display. So, um, that will be up at all three locations for the rest of the month.

Speaker 2: 54:26

Um, we do have our um oh in our Chambers County location. We have our talk the walk event. We just did the Harris County locations on Monday, but basically what that is. We will be at the Chambers County Commissioner's Court on the 22nd in the morning and we basically just we have talk out there, we have information and people can come write messages to domestic violence survivors, just uplifting, encouraging messages. We do that for all of our awareness months. It's just a really fun event that we encourage people to get involved in, and you get to play with sidewalk talk who doesn't love doing that? And then, lastly, we have our Savannah Memorial memorial 5k, which is going to be on october 27th at hometown heroes park. It begins at eight. What day is that?

Speaker 2: 55:21

so that is a sunday on october 27th, okay october yeah, um, you can find that on our website and register for that. But just a little background of why we do this. This is actually not our event. We are beneficiaries of the event, yeah, but we're involved in it. We're very heavily involved in it. We set up a resource table, we have our staff there to support, but what this event is is, um, a young lady named Savannah was murdered by her husband in 2020. And she was actually in the process of doing a drive for Bay Area Turning Point at her job.

Speaker 2: 56:08

Yeah, she was in the process of doing a drive for us whenever her husband killed her process of doing a drive for us whenever her husband killed her, and so, in honor of her, her former I believe he's her supervisor organized this memorial for her. They were very close and the person that organizes the walk and her mother are actually on our board of directors now. Wow. So, yeah, there's a lot of work and even volunteering.

Speaker 1: 56:39

Right People can volunteer.

Speaker 2: 56:40

Yes, Sorry I was getting to that. I'm like I'm all focused on our fun events coming up. You know it sounds it sounds like a depressing event, but it's actually a lot of fun, but yeah. So volunteerism that is another way to get involved is just going on our website and our volunteer services department will get in touch with you. You just fill out a form with your information or, if you see my team and I out and about, we will always have a sign up sheet for volunteers, so you just put your information down. We pass that along to our volunteer services department. We have so many different areas to volunteer. We have volunteer opportunities at our donation center, in our compliance department, in my department, outreach, education and prevention we are always looking for hotline volunteers where you are actually answering those phone calls coming through. Wow, that takes a lot of training. We're not just.

Speaker 2: 57:38

Oh, you want a hotline.

Speaker 1: 57:39

Yes, so, but not fun fact, but a fact about me. Um, I used to work for the Galveston Crisis Resource, the Galveston Resource and Crisis Center, as a residential advocate and having to answer those hotline calls, so I know the calls that you know I've been doing this for 14 years.

Speaker 2: 58:00

I still struggle with hotlines.

Speaker 1: 58:03

Yeah, I know the work that it takes and stuff Well, melissa, you know what. Thank you so much for sharing your insights, for taking this time, for being so flexible with me and all the incredible work that you and all of you are doing at Bay Area Turning Point, because for me, your dedication to helping survivors it's inspiring to me and to our listeners. Remember that there is always hope and there is always hope. Remember that there is always hope and there is always hope. So if you or someone you know is struggling, please don't hesitate to reach out. I am going to put all of information about Bay Area Turning Point in the show notes. I'm going to have links directed to the program.

Speaker 1: 58:46

So if you are somebody that wants to volunteer, that wants to donate or wants to give back, and also as a reminder, as an author, I do have my book Mommy on a Mission A Guide Towards Healing, self-discovery and Walking in Confidence.

Speaker 1: 59:01

I hope y'all received it because I mailed it out to you all, and that book is basically about the lessons that I learned along the way and it has key highlights or key points, and it also has powerful questions that'll get women to start, you know, thinking about their future, not so much their past, and so a lot of that has to do with my journey of surviving domestic violence.

Speaker 1: 59:24

So I did mail you all out a book. I hope y'all received it, but any so I'm just saying this here. Anyone who purchases a book for me this year, this month, proceeds are going to go to Bay Area Turning Point. Ok, so we are going to Mommy on a Mission, is going to donate a percentage of the proceeds, 10 percent of the proceeds, to Bay Area Turning Point for all the wonderful work that you guys are doing, for all the wonderful work that you guys are doing, and so that's my way of giving back. So if anyone who's purchasing a book from me just know that money's gonna go to Bay Area Turning Point and I am so excited again for the work you're doing and I'm gonna have to check out that run on the 27th because I like to go running.

Speaker 2: 1:00:07

See, I'm not a runner.

Speaker 1: 1:00:09

But I might walk. I don't know, because I'm getting old, my knees are not perfect.

Speaker 2: 1:00:12

Yeah, I can sprint a very short distance and then walk the rest of it.

Speaker 1: 1:00:15

I can lift weights, but the cardio Any last words you'd like to say, Melissa?

Speaker 2: 1:00:30

Yeah, yeah. If you, if you're interested in any kind of educational opportunities or you'd like to have us out at an event, please give us a call. You can reach us at 281-338-7600 to book one of those, and if you know anybody that's in crisis and needs our support, our 24 hour hotline is 281-286-2525.

Speaker 1: 1:00:49

Okay, all right. Well, thank you so much. And again, I mean guys. I will talk to you all again next Saturday on the mommy on a mission podcast. Thank you for tuning in to the mommy on a mission podcast. If you found today's episode inspiring, don't forget to subscribe, leave a review and share it with your amigas. And, before you go, if you're looking to dive deeper into healing, self-discovery and walking in confidence, be sure to grab a copy of my book Mommy on a Mission a guide towards healing, self-discovery and walking in confidence, available now on Amazon. Stay connected with me on social media. Follow us on Instagram at Mommy on a Mission podcast, and on Facebook at Mommy on a Mission. If you're considering working with a coach, but aren't sure if you're ready, send me a DM and I will send you a free gift to help you get started on your journey. Until next Saturday, keep shining and remember the power is within you. Adios, amigas.